(no subject)

[velkoria.livejournal.com]

Ok here's somethign I need opinions for... My mother and I were speaking and we got on the subject of adoption and I mentioned how I've always wanted to adopt a child and she thought it'd be a sweet idea... now I've always wanted to adopt a 1 year old or 2 year old, in other words not a newborn. ow do you feel about changing this child's name? I know some people feel strongly about this so try and be polite. I wouldn't change the name of a child that is old enough to speak and I am not even sure about the changing name bit but hey... asking for opinions.

Comments

[chirpygirly.livejournal.com]

My opinion is that unless a child is old enough to say they want their name changed, then it's plain disrespectful and selfish to take away a name the real parents gave, and give one the adoptive parents choose, just to stamp their claim on the child. Children aren't property, they're people, people who have biological roots. Unless there are extreme bad circumstances surrounding the child, then whatever name they were given by their biological parents, should be kept, until the child reached a mature age and decided they wanted to change their original name.

I doubt very much that if someone had a child, named it, and then died shortly after that child was born, leaving it an orphan, and then some other people adopted the child and renamed it. I know I've heard other people say they wouldn't like that to happen, since the name a parent gives their child is an expression of who they are, since everyone has different tastes. You never know the meaning behind a name given. Maybe a child was named after a wonderful relative. Or a heroic person of the past, etc. And then people who aren't the biological parents of the child, adopt the child and to mark the child as theirs, they change the name. Yeah.

People are free to disagree with me, and take offense at my opinion, but it's my opinion none the less.

[velkoria.livejournal.com]

wow this is the first of all these answers I do take offense to... I htink it's wrong to think anyone would simply think of a child as their property and to say that because their names are changed means they do is very judgemental. A name does not make a person... I could go out now and decide to change my name and I am the same person. Some people adopt from the begining and the biological parents never get to name the child... is that 'banding' them as theirs too?

The birth parent, dying or not, has a mentality and I agree with respecting that but the parent that reaises the child has no less merit. Named after a relative they never knew of? I don't think that will ever make a child scarred or the adopting parents horrible people either... for all they knew the parent randomly chose a name and if this heroic person of the past was some warrior and they came into a family of pacifists? I think your view, while yours, is very narrow minded and the biological parents, be they out of the picture or not, or good people or horrible people have no more 'claim' to a child than an adoptive parent.

For the record I am not trying to change you mind, I am on the internet and I hope you're clear enough on your views not to let just some random internet person change your views... but like you, I will expose mine.

[chirpygirly.livejournal.com]

I guess it's one of things that without experiencing it first hand you don't really understand.

It happened to me, the name change thing, and let's say I'm less than OK with it.

I am not trying to force my opinion on anyone, I just have experience with this and it's not positive and I express my opinion based on my experience.

I'm really not trying to offend, just giving a different perspective.

[velkoria.livejournal.com]

sorry to know you've had a bad experience but it is also unfair to say it's hard for someone that hasn't been there ot unerstand... one of my cousins (someone I consider my brother) changed the name of his little girl and he is 'dad' to her and that won't ever change and at her age (she's now 1) she says she doesn't mind as she sees no one but him as her father and she loves he piucked a name for her. She was adopted when she was three.

[chirpygirly.livejournal.com]

You are free to think I'm being unfair, narrow minded, judgemental, etc, but it's my opinion, one that is different than yours, but I'm still entitled to it.

And children just don't fully understand. It's easy to say they are OK with the only name they know, given them by people the only parents they know and love.

It's not that a name makes a person. It's that people have roots, a biological starting point. Not all children who end up adopted just appear out of the ground like a cabbage patch doll. Some kids weren't just abandoned by uncaring bio parents. Most children are born from parents that wanted them, may still want them, and loved them and may likely still love them, and they chose the name for their biological child. A name that is a personal expression, a biological imparting that is unique to bio parents.
There's a striking difference between young children who don't know any better, when they are too young to know the difference, and those that are mature enough to say whether they agree with a name change, or not. Adoptive parents are taking away that choice to choose, and again, you disagree, but as I see it, it is all about putting that mark on an adoptive child as a way of saying the child is theirs now, and no longer the child of whom they came from, as signified by their original name.
It doesn't matter if a child isn't raised by their biological parents, it doesn't nullify the bio parents. And to me, changing the name a child is given by the bio parents, is in a sense, a way of nullifying the bio parents. And again, it's what I think and feel, and while it may offend you and others, it's not my intention. And that's all I'll say.

[velkoria.livejournal.com]

um yeah ok that 1 is missing a 6 next to it... fast typer, miss keys and she's 16 now, not 1. Like I said, you're entitled to your opinion but yeah that's mine too. It's alright to think differently, I don't mind it at all but yes, I did find it offending as a future adoptive parent. Of course I also think differently on the whole 'roots' thing but then I guess that's where most of my opinions come from.

[arbus.livejournal.com]

to take away a name the real parents gave, and give one the adoptive parents choose

"REAL" parents, imo, are the ones who raise the child, not the ones who give birth.

[bouncepogo.livejournal.com]

+1.

[velkoria.livejournal.com]

exactly... I think that bit was what was the most offending...t he adoptive parent has exactly the same merit as the bio parent if not any kind of more merit as the adoptive parent is there to raise them.

[juniorfan29.livejournal.com]

I second this. My little cousin is four, and she is adopted. When my aunt and uncle first got her, as a foster child, she was 7 months old and weighed 11 lbs. She was within a week of dying (according to the doctor her treated her in the ER/hosp), and so weak that she couldn't even hold her own head up. My aunt and uncle got up every 2-3 hours AROUND THE CLOCK to feed her, so that she could get the nourishment she needed. She is now a happy, healthy, and beautiful little four year old. So, who are her REAL parents? The ones who gave birth to her, and nearly killed her with neglect? Or the ones who saved her and raised her? My vote is going on my aunt and uncle.

And, as a note to the original question in the post, when they got her her name was Lily Renee, the Renee being after the bitch who gave birth to her. Her name is now Lilyan Faith because my aunt and uncle didn't want that woman's name in any way, shape, or form attached to their daughter. They chose Faith because it took a lot of Faith in God for her to become theirs.

[a-tergo-lupi.livejournal.com]

Renaming a child is not going to scar the child emotionally and isn't detremental to their emotional well-being.

Apparently, it was exactly that to her. I think you should be less authoritarian on the issue and more willing to listen to the experience of someone who received such a name change. You may certainly still disagree, but she's more than entitled to her opinions and her judgements, however harsh you may find them.

[velkoria.livejournal.com]

I agreee with this and I would also explained as they got older because the adoption thing where you lie to the kid and it's suddenly like 'weeeell we've been lying to you, you're adopted' may be the most scarring buit and then to ALSO find out you were named something else might be scarring for some people... in a majority of adoption stories and from person contact... I've found that honesty is best and that includes the name thing.