(no subject)

[velkoria.livejournal.com]

Ok here's somethign I need opinions for... My mother and I were speaking and we got on the subject of adoption and I mentioned how I've always wanted to adopt a child and she thought it'd be a sweet idea... now I've always wanted to adopt a 1 year old or 2 year old, in other words not a newborn. ow do you feel about changing this child's name? I know some people feel strongly about this so try and be polite. I wouldn't change the name of a child that is old enough to speak and I am not even sure about the changing name bit but hey... asking for opinions.

Comments

[farting-nora.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't change the name unless the child wanted it to be changed. With a very little kid I might change a horrendous spelling, but I'm not really even sure about that.

[matika88.livejournal.com]

If the child was only 1 year old I think changing the name is fine.

[morningapproach.livejournal.com]

I think that if they know their name it is too old to change it. I presume that a 2 year old will respond to his or her name.

[farting-nora.livejournal.com]

My 9 month old responds to his name.

[brunhildevalkyr.livejournal.com]

I have a 1 and 1/2 year old. She knows her name and responds to it. Now you probably could gradually change to another name by using the names together and eventually dropping the unwanted one. My daughter will respond to nicknames if I've used them enough in addition to her name.

[satunian.livejournal.com]

I think if the child is older than 1, he or she might be too old for the change, unless you wanted to alter a spelling, or if the name was REEEEAAALLLY atrocious. But it would also depend on the child as some children grow and learn certain things faster than others. I would avoid a drastic change, but then even if the kid was older, if you wanted to change it from say, Ann to Anna, that might not be so bad. But if the kid is old enough, you should ask them if they want to change it.

I can't really give a definite answer as everything depends on the kid; how old he or she is and everything... you can't really be sure until the child is there, I think

[gregariouspeach.livejournal.com]

I would like to adopt too so I have considered this. To me the most important thing is who gave the child the name. If it was given by their biological parents than I wouldn't think to change the only thing they still have from their mum and dad. I think it could cause them to resent you as they got older and realised you'd taken away their one tie with their biological family. If they had been given a name at an orphanage or such, I would happily change it. We intend to adopt fro
the philippines (my husband is Filipino and we're dual citizens). I'm a litt scared about what name we may end up with!! My husbands cousins are: Lavender, Lady Destinee Jezhyra (I kid you not), Nalra, Darling, Sunshine, Ayzeley and so on....

It has always bothered me that angelina Jolie changed her kids names, especially Pax who was quite old and would remember his name. I think when you adopt from another culture it's important to honor your childs culture as best you can, especially if they have a traditional name.

[velkoria.livejournal.com]

that's wnderful you're planning on adopting too. am Venezuelan and will probably adopt from here or from Colombia... maybe if I move to Europe before I do I will adopt from Ruissia or elsewhere (I wanrt top adopt more than one child if money allows me). The thing also is that most prphanages here are from children who've suffered and been taken from their homes... I also considered that... that maybe these children were hurt from their previous family... I wouldn't completely change the name, maybe... but use it as a middle of second middle maybe.

I dont' mind she changed the names... maybe she asked... I don't knowe, maybe the kids don't mind... it's all relative but I wished to know opinions too because it helps from an outside view right?

[night-sky-dream.livejournal.com]

I'd change it.

[velkoria.livejournal.com]

mind if I ask the reason behind? =)

[thellamaqueen.livejournal.com]

that's a touchy subject. :\ someone on here got upset when i mentioned that my cousins were changing the *middle name* of their adopted 3-year-old because they thought it was an attack on his birth culture (changing it from a Hispanic name to an Anglo name) - and they weren't even dreaming of doing anything to his first name.
I personally think it's okay if it's done very carefully. For the age range you're thinking of adopting, I don't think they're quite old enough to be choosing their own name or making the big decision to change their first name or anything like that. You mentioned that you would consider moving the original first name to a middle name slot, and I think that's a great idea.

[velkoria.livejournal.com]

oh trust me I remember that post (How is Banana Andrew doing anyway?) and that was why I was so careful to write 'be polite' on there. I remember thinking when you wrote that post on the whole 'who cares?' aspect of his birth culture... to me really we're all human and the place you were born to makes you not who you are... but it's good to know it too. I think I was born hispanic but it doesn't mean that that is all I am... or all I will be. I know my ulture, know my country and that's just fine by me.

Thanks, I really like that idea too since it'd be nice to let them know they still have it and they can use it if they like too =)

[samaside.livejournal.com]

I think that it would depend on the situation. If you are adopting a child that has come from a bad family situation it may not be such a bad idea to remove them from that entirely by giving them a new name to go along with their new life. A child who has been cursed at their whole lives and had nothing but bad connections with their name probably wouldn't mind it at all.

[joereaves.livejournal.com]

This - the situation is important I think. If the child wasn't coming from any bad kind of situation then that name is something they have from their birth parents and I think it should be kept or only changed slightly (maybe making a first name into a middle name and giving them a new first name). It shouldn't be got rid of completely. My cousin has two adopted daughters and I think she changed the second one's name by adding another name but kept the first one's name the same. They were both babies though, well under one.

[sugarmagnolia90.livejournal.com]

I think it would be far too confusing to change the name of a child over six months old.

[mommyaubrey.livejournal.com]

i had three friends in school who were adopted. Danielles Previous name was Cindle and man is she happy it was changed, and Elisa's was Patricia, she also is happy it was changed. i can't remember Carli's but they kept her middle name the same which was Andrea'. i don't think Danni and Elisa had middle names. also, Danielle and Elisa are in contact with their birth mother, and it doesn't bug them at all.

i think that maybe moving their chosen birth name to the middle name slot would be a great idea, unless it's just horrible.

[scouty.livejournal.com]

Cindle

?

like the little girl in the ewok movie ?

uuhh..I loved that movie

[monkey-fruit.livejournal.com]

My 4 year old nephew lives with us part-time; he responded to his name by age one. Later, when he was just learning to talk, I would joke with him, "Your name is Frank!" He would vehemently refuse and, if I kept it up too long, get all upset.

At that age, I'm sure you could get a child used to another name, but, personally...I probably wouldn't change their name if they're already responding to one.

Someone above me commented on sliding the original first name over to use as a middle name...I think that'd work. You would get the name you want, but the child would also get to keep the name that connects them to their birth parent(s). When older, they could decide which one they want to repsond to. =)

[velkoria.livejournal.com]

well I for one wouldn't grab the child and tell them "your new name is *insert name here*" I think they are making too many big adjustment to just *tell* them that they have a new name... I'd ease them into it if anything... and I was the one that said I'd keep their name =) I wouldn't just erase it all like it didn't exist...

[velkoria.livejournal.com]

I agree with what you've said really and like I had commented I think a lot of people have strong feelings on it but I doubt a 2 year old will forever be scarred from me changing their first name buthey I know people will say things and I just wanted a general opinion is all.

Good luck on your own adoption process as mine is well far off but I am more than willing to wait. I't something I've wanted to do since I was in my teens and waiting a few more years seems fine still.

[a-tergo-lupi.livejournal.com]

I think it depends.

Generally, I wouldn't. I don't think it's horrible or abusive or blahblahblah. But, I don't change pet names when I've adopted them pre-named. Why would I do it to a kid?

I dunno. It's very hard.

[meeksnmeebs.livejournal.com]

My cousin adopted an 18-month old little Asian girl. They did change her name to Zoey, but they tried to make it sound similar to her Asian name (which started with a "Z" sound), and her middle name is still Asian. She didn't seem to have much trouble adapting.

[chirpygirly.livejournal.com]

My opinion is that unless a child is old enough to say they want their name changed, then it's plain disrespectful and selfish to take away a name the real parents gave, and give one the adoptive parents choose, just to stamp their claim on the child. Children aren't property, they're people, people who have biological roots. Unless there are extreme bad circumstances surrounding the child, then whatever name they were given by their biological parents, should be kept, until the child reached a mature age and decided they wanted to change their original name.

I doubt very much that if someone had a child, named it, and then died shortly after that child was born, leaving it an orphan, and then some other people adopted the child and renamed it. I know I've heard other people say they wouldn't like that to happen, since the name a parent gives their child is an expression of who they are, since everyone has different tastes. You never know the meaning behind a name given. Maybe a child was named after a wonderful relative. Or a heroic person of the past, etc. And then people who aren't the biological parents of the child, adopt the child and to mark the child as theirs, they change the name. Yeah.

People are free to disagree with me, and take offense at my opinion, but it's my opinion none the less.

[velkoria.livejournal.com]

wow this is the first of all these answers I do take offense to... I htink it's wrong to think anyone would simply think of a child as their property and to say that because their names are changed means they do is very judgemental. A name does not make a person... I could go out now and decide to change my name and I am the same person. Some people adopt from the begining and the biological parents never get to name the child... is that 'banding' them as theirs too?

The birth parent, dying or not, has a mentality and I agree with respecting that but the parent that reaises the child has no less merit. Named after a relative they never knew of? I don't think that will ever make a child scarred or the adopting parents horrible people either... for all they knew the parent randomly chose a name and if this heroic person of the past was some warrior and they came into a family of pacifists? I think your view, while yours, is very narrow minded and the biological parents, be they out of the picture or not, or good people or horrible people have no more 'claim' to a child than an adoptive parent.

For the record I am not trying to change you mind, I am on the internet and I hope you're clear enough on your views not to let just some random internet person change your views... but like you, I will expose mine.

[smallandneedy.livejournal.com]

I don't see a problem with changing the child's name.

I know a few people who have adopted kids, and I know a girl who's adopted as well. Her parents wasn't sure whether to rename her or not, but when her older adoptive brother confused her Indian name with a cartoon character, they figured it was a better idea to change her name. As far as I know it, there is very little information about her earliest months, they're not even quite sure if her birthday is actually her birthday, and I do think she told me she was named at the orphanage.

All the people I know who have adopted children have given them a new name, but I know a lot of people leave the original first name as a middle name. Personally, I think I would rename the child.

[wizened-cynic.livejournal.com]

My cousin had his name changed when he was 8 or 9 for feng shui reasons. He wasn't given a say in the new name he got, and he adapted just fine. Of course, he's in a gang now, but I don't think it was because of his name change.

Most children who are adopted from China and into the States are given an English name which their new parents refer to them by. I think most of them adjust to it rather quickly. A lot of parents keep their original Chinese names as part of their middle name to honor their heritage but I think few parents actually keep calling their children by their original names.

[quitmyscene.livejournal.com]

I know this might seem blasphemous in a baby names community, but a name is just a name. Personally, I think adoption is a great thing, and not enough people adopt. I would like to have my own children, but since I heard of the possibility of adoption (and after my mother's cousin adopted two little girls) it's always been something I'd like to do as well. That said, if you adopt, I think you have every right to rename the child. He/she is YOUR child, and while I understand the viewpoint of keeping the child's name out of respect to its family/heritage.. I think that especially if you have other (birth) children, it's important for you to give him/her a name. I'd rather have a child "fit in" with me naming it as my own, rather than feel obligated to keep a name I don't like. To me, either way you take isn't a HUGE deal. If I kept a name I didn't like, I'd feel like I was just babysitting or something. I want my children to have names I love and if I am going to raise a child as my own, it should have a name I love.

I'm still half asleep, forgive me if this is poorly worded. Again, it all depends on the situation and my opinion sort of stems from the idea that if I adopt, I will have birth children as well. I'm not looking for a super matchy sibset, but I would like names I like for all of my children. However, I think it's perfectly acceptable to change OR keep the name.

[velkoria.livejournal.com]

I don't think it is vblasphemy... I'm with Shakespeare on this a lot of the times in thinking 'what's in a name?' I just hought since the child is older I would not want to confuse them by starting to call them something else but I spoke to my uncle (he's a doctor) and he assured me... they won't even remember... how many kids remember things before they're even 5? Or even beyond that... and if he/she is at age I can ask then I will. I also garee with the whole "fitting in" with your bio children too. I plan to adopt but also to have my own children and I wouldn't want for my adopted child to feel left out at all.

Thanks for your thoughts though I think most people just feel a wee too strongly abou certain things and just go in for the 'attack' so to speak.

[lind-saay.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's okay to change a child's name, especially if they don't have a say in it. I would say that it's even less appropriate to change the name of a child who can't talk yet than it is to change the name of a child who is 7 or 8 or older. If the 7 or 8 or older child WANTS to change their name and has a say in it, I think that's totally fine, but I don't think it's okay to take away a child's own identity and completely change it without his or her permission, which they obviously cannot give at 1 or 2, especially if they are not yet speaking. They know their name at that age and I think it's downright cruel to change it without their permission and informed participation in the process.

[0o-faerie.livejournal.com]

It depends. I think if you're adopting from an Asian country, especially Korea or China...those names are quite difficult to pronounce in other parts of the world. So if that's the case and the kid is 0 or 1 at the time of the adoption, I'd change their name. But (yeah, there's a but!) I'd try to either
1) find a name that is similar to their old name, if possible, or
2) make their old name their middle name, so it's still part of their name.
I know of people who have done the latter, and I really like that.

I would not, however, change the child's name if it is two years (or over two years) old, or if they have a name that can be easily pronounced in the adoptive country. I would definitely not change a child's name for aesthetic reasons.
To an extent I agree with quitmyscene; I don't think a child's identity is all in their name.

(Interesting discussion by the way! I think I want to adopt someday as well =)).

[pegasus2o5.livejournal.com]

Since my own family is trying to adopt, this is an issue I've given some thought to. Obviously, if the child is old enough to be attached to his name, the name is a done deal and changing it would be asking for an identity crisis. For a baby, it would depend on the name, for me. If it was a name I truly hated, I think I would have to change it. It wouldn't be fair to either of us to persevere in calling my child a name that made me shudder every time I said it. Barring that, I would probably keep the name.

If the child is from another country--China, for instance--I would consider giving him an Anglo name and moving the Chinese name to middle-name status. He's going to have enough to deal with in life without a difficult, look-at-me-I'm-different name.

I've also known of families who changed the adopted child's name because they had, say, a theme of nature names in the family, or the oldest son was always named such-and-such, and they wanted the child's name to fit with the family tradition. To do otherwise would imply he wasn't "really" a member of the family. At least that was the parents' reasoning.

[a-tergo-lupi.livejournal.com]

The last paragraph... I can totally see that. I can respect it.

[fleckerbug.livejournal.com]

I personally wouldn't do it. It's not a puppy. A one or two year old can't speak, but they've been hearing their name their entire life. It would be confusing and, IMO, taking a part of them away. If I adopted a foreign child with a difficult to pronounce name, I *might* give them a second name or nickname. I just can't imagine adopting a child at that age-- I think in most cases it's much earlier or much later. I also think a child being adopted out at that age would probably have some emotional issues, from whatever is causing it to be put up for adoption, or developmental issues and you'd probably start with fostering such a child or wanting to foster other children first to learn the ropes before taking on such a responsibility.