Calling child by middle name

[smallandneedy.livejournal.com]

This is kind of related to the post about grandparents and other people insisting on calling kids something else than what their parents have decided their name is.

I was wondering, is it considered offensive or annoying to call a child by their middle name even though their parents call the child by their first name?

Edited to add:

What if the situation was reversed, as in parents calling their children by their middle names but other people call them by their first? I know a whole family with 4 children where all of them including the parents go by their middle names and not their first.

Is calling someone by their first name when they go by middle less offensive than calling someone by middle rather than first?

Comments

[joereaves.livejournal.com]

I would say that until the child is old enough to have an opinion that you should always call the child by whatever name the parents want you to call the child by.

Once they're old enough I'd say the child's opinion is what counts.

[adamantplatypus.livejournal.com]

This.

That said, my step-father was called by his first name by most people and his middle name by close family. It was confusing, but that's how he preferred it.

[joereaves.livejournal.com]

Well that would come under 'once they're old enough' :)

Most of my friends call me Joe (to the point that I get post in this name). I'm female and there is nothing in my name that could lead to it, but it's derived from my online name, lol. Family call me by my real name.

[pixie-bones.livejournal.com]

This.

[memory-noirs.livejournal.com]

agreed. also my dad goes by his middle name "John Scott - goes by Scott" (it was the intention of my grandparents because the name flowed better etc.) so when people call him by his first name he knows they're telemarketers haha

[megaleena.livejournal.com]

Yes

[inmeggsyoutrust.livejournal.com]

If my family refused to call my child by the name I chose for him, and called him by his middle name instead, I'd be pretty hurt and pissed off. It's rude.

My husbands paternal grandfather called him John Patrick for the first two years of his life and it made my mother/father in law furious. My husband's name is David Ryan. His grandfather said "well I wanted a boy named John Patrick so that's his name" once David was old enough to say "my name is David, I'm not John Patrick" his grandfather stopped.

[smallandneedy.livejournal.com]

But you named him the middle name too, so it wouldn't be a straight out refusal of his name considering his middle name is his name too, although he does not go by it on a daily basis.

What about consistent use of both names, even though he would only go by his first name on a daily basis?

[inmeggsyoutrust.livejournal.com]

While we chose both names, we chose the order of the names for a reason and since typically people only are called by their first name, one would assume that if that name were being passed over by a certain group of people in favor of the second name, then they're saying "we don't like what you chose to name your child, this will have to do as his/her name instead of what you decided on"

It's like saying, I don't care what you said I'm doing this instead and screw your feelings.

[smallandneedy.livejournal.com]

yeah I see what you're saying. Never thought of it that way to be honest, but that's exactly why I was asking in the first place :)

[so-there.livejournal.com]

I chose first names that I like. I chose middle names, many of which I don't even care for, to honor family members, on the grounds that no one ever uses their middle name anyway so it's pointless unless you make it significant. so yeah, the kid's name is their first name. calling them by a middle, in my case, is the same as calling them by their last name. it's just a family name, not their name as an individual.

[mirhanda.livejournal.com]

Haha, not "no one". I've been called by my middle name from birth. Also see: J. Paul Getty, among others. :p

[ma-ee-uh.livejournal.com]

Yep, unless the kid asked to be addressed that way.

First + middle would be OK, though.

[lorienellen.livejournal.com]

I would find it annoying. I guess if people called my daughter by her first and middle name that wouldn't be as bad, but I wouldn't like anyone to ignore her first name and just use her middle. My husband and I are putting a LOT of thought in trying to figure out her name so it would be very fructrating for people to ignore what we've chosen.

[lissalynn.livejournal.com]

We go through this all the time at the Pediatric office I work at, and I will say this:

I think it is absolutely obnoxious that parents would get OFFENDED when we call the child in by their LEGAL, GIVEN name which is ON THE INSURANCE and therefore the name that we have.

I absolutely understand having a preference and you can call the child whatever you want at home, or you can tell us (NICELY) while we're getting the history "he likes to be called Nicky" (or whatever), but if you DESPISE the first name enough that you would get mad at someone for using it, then DON'T USE IT.

/endrant. Seriously, I have seen young mothers YELL at much older nurses for calling "Benjamin" into the waiting room when "IT'S BEN!!!" (or vice versa) or "IT'S CORNELIUS, DUH, WHY DON'T YOU KNOW THAT!".

[mirhanda.livejournal.com]

Can't you put it on the chart though? Benjamin "Ben" William Smith. It sure seems awfully ridiculous if you can't, it's just a couple of quote marks and whatever the name is.

[lissalynn.livejournal.com]

You actually can't on the EClinical medical records. It screws up billing and coding etc. It has to just be their legal name that is on the insurance.

Once we open up the computer chart (after we get in the room and start the history) there is a "yellow sticky" thing we can put their nickname on, and so if there is one, after that we'll use it.

But I think it is absolutely ridiculous to YELL at grown professionals helping to take care of your child for calling the child by their legal name. I think they should be embarrassed of themselves, to be honest.

[mirhanda.livejournal.com]

Absolutely agreed, they shouldn't yell. That's just rude, they should just say "he goes by Ben." and leave it at that. It just seems like there should be a way to include some sort of note on the chart about the preferred name so that you will know for next time and not keep making the same mistake (which would be grating if you go there for all the pediatric check ups and have it never remembered.)

[joereaves.livejournal.com]

It's ridiculous to expect strangers to know your preferences.I mean I could see being irritated if the nurse or whatever had randomly picked the middle name for no reason, but generally people are called by their first name so it's unreasonable to expect a stranger to know that your child is called something else.

[lissalynn.livejournal.com]

Thank you for understanding, I agree. I mean, we literally have people where we will call in "Jonathan" and they'll be like "IT'S MALIKAI!" (which isn't even the middle name, just a random nickname...). Like, really?

We also will have parents purposely ignore us in the waiting room when we call their child in by their given name, because they are so mad we don't know Jacob goes by Devon.

It's so ridiculous.

[joereaves.livejournal.com]

My father was named after his father so his first name is Eric, but he has always been Peter in order to avoid confusion. Naturally all official records use Eric. If someone he's going to be dealing with more than once calls him Eric he politely corrects them, they generally make a note of it, and everything is happy. I can't imagine him getting annoyed over it - people aren't psychic!

[so-there.livejournal.com]

some of my family members didn't care for the name I chose for my first, and said they were going to call her by (a shortened form of) her middle. I said "like hell you are, that's not her name" (maybe not in so many words, though). same with my second. by my 3rd+ I guess they gave up, but anyway, if they's actually tried to stick it out, it would not have gone over well.

[so-there.livejournal.com]

as for calling a kid by their middle name, in most of the cases I can think of, it's because the kid is a junior and they want him to have the same legal name as the dad, but then call him something different so as not to be confusing. or like my grandparents, who named my aunt Mary Christine because she was born christmas eve, but preferred her middle name and called her that. like I said in a comment above, there are names yo ulike and names you choose just to honor someone (or some event?) and if a paent wants to differentiate, it's up to them.

I also know a few people who decided to go by their middle names. one was my uncle, because he was named for two people and didn't feel as connected with the person his first was after, but was very close with the person his middle was after. the other was the son of a friend of my mom, who decided his first name (kaylie--this was way before the crazy increase in popularity) was too girly so he went by the common nickname for his middle (james/jim).

[octobre09.livejournal.com]

I know a family where their kids get called by their first or middle names depending on who's talking to them. I find it all very confusing and I don't understand why you wouldn't just pick one and stick with it. When I first met them, their first question was what my daughter's middle name was...I made sure that they understood that we call her by her fist name, I don't think she even knows her middle name (she's just two) because I rarely, rarely say it.

[lilacmermaid.livejournal.com]

It honestly wouldn't occur to me to call someone anything other than their first name. If that's the name they go by, then fine. If it's not, and they go by their middle name, then I'll happily use that once I'm corrected.

I can understand using nicknames that the parents didn't intend or don't even like, but otherwise I just don't know why you'd bother using anything but the first name.

[bookity.livejournal.com]

My friend's mother decided that she would refer to my daughter by her middle name because she liked it better. This is pretty annoying to me, personally. But as I have only seen her once since my daughter was born (she is almost 5 months now), I don't have a huge problem with it.

[forthemorrow.livejournal.com]

Can't really answer the question, but we use both my son's names interchangeably. Desmond probably 75% of the time, and Leo the rest. Although usually it's in sing song ways, or like we'd use a nickname. No one has dared call him Leo though around us. Even though we will regardless of where we are. It's sort of unconscious on our parts, but I think our son likes it. LOL!

[joereaves.livejournal.com]

Re your eta - you call someone by what they (or if they're too young to have an opinion their parents) want to be called. Obviously if you have no idea what they like to be called most people will assume that the first name is the one to pick and if the kid isn't usually called by that then it's not reasonable to expect someone to know that, but once you do know then yes of course it's rude to call them something else, whether it's their middle name when they use their first name or their first name when they use their middle name.

I'm not entirely sure why anyone would need to ask - calling someone by a different name than the one they want you to use is clearly annoying and rude.

[smallandneedy.livejournal.com]

I just think it's interesting to see what people think because personally it wouldn't bother me if people used middle name instead of first. I mean, for me, both the first name and the middle name I would have given my child would be names I liked, and although he/she would probably not be called both on a daily basis but both names would be theirs.
Some people have called me by my middle name because of various reasons - sometimes it's easier for them to remember it, easier to pronounce, whatever really, and I still answer to it because that is my name too. Obviously everyone will automatically correct the person saying pretty much their whole name so I don't mean calling a kid Jordan for 18 years if his first name is Cory, but more in the short run until everyone gets used to it.

[being-lola-star.livejournal.com]

This sort of applies to two people I know.

The one is a guy who is the James IV in his family. I come from a small community so literally his grandfather lived next door to him and everyone knew him as James. His dad went by Jim or Jimmy. While in school the guy went almost exclusively by his middle name (shortened) "Brad". At home though he was James or James Bradley. Strangely enough when he left for college he started going by James everywhere but everyone from home still calls him Brad. It had nothing to do with him not liking the name it just was how he did things. He would just as easily respond to either name.

The second is a girl called Heaven-Leigh. She was teased so often in elementary school over her name that she finally gave up and insisted on being called Charlotte, her middle name. (One memorable time she was being picked on for her name "Where are your wings?" etc., so she kicked the other child in the shins and told them they had been "touched by an angel"). When we reached high school a friend of mine (who tended to rename people) said she though Heaven-Leigh was pretty and asked if it was alright to call her that instead. Now she goes by Heaven-Leigh, Heav or Charlotte.

I think if you're unsure of what to call someone you should ask them. Short forms or pet names are only alright if the other person is consenting. Calling someone a one name when they go by a different or pet name is a reasonable mistake. Second time it happens after you've been corrected, it's rude. Third or more, you're being a dick.