Annoyed....

[elizebethjoy.livejournal.com]

I'm a little appalled after reading some of the responses in gothikbutterfly's post. Specifically, when folks were saying stuff to the effect of "what were they thinking?" in reference to the parents of someone with an "odd" name. Really, what do you do when you meet someone whose parents were from the Ukraine, or some other place where the names aren't familiar to most Americans? Do you really make a snap judgement on that person's parents? Don't you think that's a little closed-minded? How about assuming something good, like that their parents are from an exotic place, or have a interesting family background?

On a slightly different topic: I know people feel strongly about names, but tact is an important part of being a member of society. It IS possible to not like a name, or a person's opinion, and not trash that person using strong and, sometimes, innapropriate language. It would be great practise to try to phrase your opinions in such a way that you don't cause new members to run away crying. I mean, come on, gothikbutterfly's baby was due yesterday, and some of you treated her like garbage. Couldn't you find a more eloquent way of expressing yourself?

And for the record, there were some posts from people who didn't like the names she suggested, and were able to say so in a way that fostered conversation and constructive feedback. Thank you so much for being here and for speaking up.

Comments

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[sageharper.livejournal.com]

Well said, I totally agree :)

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[turabiannights.livejournal.com]

While I agree with the general tone of your post, I would like to point out that several people objected to its being from an anime cartoon. It's one thing to be judgmental of legitimate cultural names, but quite another to be critical of names that are derived from pop culture. Names like Atreyu get exactly the same reaction, and I'm not convinced that's not a legitimate reaction to have. So yes, we should all be polite about it - but that doesn't mean that a weird name sometimes isn't just a weird name.

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[elizebethjoy.livejournal.com]

If the comments I had been, er, commenting on had been specifically about a name from pop culture, I would have reacted differently. Instead, it was about "odd names."
http://community.livejournal.com/baby_names/380247.html?thread=6673751#t6673751

Sorry to pick on you, pmegan, this was just the easiest example to find.

But I do thank you for arguing in a way that is constructive and non-inflammatory. :)

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[turabiannights.livejournal.com]

Ahh, see, I thought you meant comments on Chasval generally.


For me, personally, it depends on "what type of odd" the name is, if that makes sense. I don't find names like Chukwuebuka or Sasha Red Feather particularly remarkable, since it's obvious those are cultural names. I DO have my thoughts about the parents when I meet a little Nickthaniel or Tyrannee because it's obvious those names are not. It really just depends.

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[elizebethjoy.livejournal.com]

Argh, I hate it when I think of something I meant to say after I've already hit the post button...

Regarding your last line:
"but that doesn't mean that a weird name sometimes isn't just a weird name."

I have to agree with that, to an extent. Sometimes I'll read the names given to children in Utah for a giggle... (if you haven't seen them, I'll have to pull up the link.) But what happens if I name my son, just for example, Robert, and then we move to a foreign country? This is a very possible scenario, as we're looking to move to the South Pacific in about 8 years. What happens if the folks in our new town think that my son has a "weird" name? Is that something I should consider before we move there, or should we rename him so that he fits in better once we get there?

This is a long-winded protest to the thought process of "Raluca has a weird name... what the heck is wrong with her parents?" It doesn't apply to many of the people here who are actively trying to find names for their kids, just to those who are closed-minded about names on people that they have met. Meh, I'm starting to talk in circles... did this make any kind of sense? :/

Anyways, if I wanted to name my child after a family member in my husband's family (he's half Chinese and half Malaysian) I wouldn't come here to ask opinions. I can already guess what a good portion of the response would be; "It's just too WEIRD!" It's unfortunate that the knee-jerk reaction overrides the fact that it would be a family name.

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[turabiannights.livejournal.com]

Haha, I didn't see this until after I made my post above. I think cultural names are an entirely different story. It's one thing if you get a Chinese name and move to America, or get an English name and move to Namibia, etc. etc. Those are real names real places with real cultural significance - who's to say those are bad? Sure, they're "weird" in that they're foreign, but there isn't an inherently bizarre and laughable quality about them (unless they translate poorly into local phonetics - I saw a little Jizem online the other day and wanted to cry for her). What I personally find troubling or laughable is when a parent doesn't have enough respect for their kid to give them a decent name. It's very nice if you love stamp collecting, or recycling, or indie film - that's no reason to name your child Philatelia or Greenworld Birdsong Togetherness or Hedwig AngryInch. It's also very nice that you want to give your kid an unusual name - there are plenty of unusual names out there without resorting to Kassity Ameryliz Me'Hagonie or King Richard Lionheart or pretty much the entire population of Utah ;) It's one thing to give your child a legitimate name that might make them stand out a little in other places, or even at home. It's quite another to force them to stand out with a silly name.

That's how I feel about it, anyway.

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[elizebethjoy.livejournal.com]

I agree with you on all points above. :) So how do you feel about Lothar the Destroyer? Or Lothara, Devourer of Souls (for a girl, of course)? :D I told my Mom that was what we going to name our spawn and she had to think for a moment to realize that I was joking.

Again, the only thing that rubs me wrong is when folks hear a name and immediately assume that their parents wanted their kid to be made fun of. When I mentioned the name Raluca, I was talking about a friend of mine who is Romanian, but has no accent. I can easily imagine someone meeting her and thinking awful things about her parents, and that saddens me.

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[desert-vixen.livejournal.com]

I have to disagree.

I didn't see anyone being "appalling". Were there deleted posts, or something? Because the strongest thing I saw was along the lines of "it's an anime cartoon".

I think most of the points were constructive (mentioning that changing the spelling would make pronunciation easier ; that you're giving your child future harrassment potential if they're continually having to explain how to spell/pronounce the name).

DV

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[elizebethjoy.livejournal.com]

I'm probably a bit sensitive right now, as I'm in week 8 of pregnancy and feeling every bit of it emotionally and physically. Put yourself in the place of a woman who is due to give birth any moment now, and re-read the thread. Some things that were said simply could have been worded more gently and still have gotten the point across. Also, when people talk respond to what I have said with respect and thought, as you have, I'm much more likely to take what they have said to heart.

---------------------------------

(This is a bit off-topic, but...)

My name is Elizebeth, and while I do have to correct the spelling a good bit for others, it doesn't bother me a bit. Having a more "unique" spelling makes it easier for people to remember, and I'm proud to carry the name that my mother and father gave me. Granted, my name isn't as "weird" as it could be (like Ylyzybyth), I have never felt harrassed because of it.

But I don't want this thread to be about just about weird spellings. :) Mutual respect for posters is more important to me.

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[quiet-recluse.livejournal.com]

Uh, where I come from Elizabeth is standard spelling and Elisabeth is an uncommon but acceptable deviation. I don't think that's weird at all.

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[elizebethjoy.livejournal.com]

Mine is spelled with an "e" in the middle instead of an "a." ;)

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[quiet-recluse.livejournal.com]

Ah, right, sorry - I'm misreading everything today.

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[desert-vixen.livejournal.com]

Put yourself in the place of a woman who is due to give birth any moment now, and re-read the thread. Some things that were said simply could have been worded more gently and still have gotten the point across.

I appreciate what you're saying, but not everyone is going to be nice about this stuff all the time. If things had gotten ugly, I feel sure that our moderator a_green_faerie (?) would have clamped down on it, because they seem to be good about not letting people be abusive.

I'm working my way through month eight now, so I sympathize with the hormones on both sides of the issue.

DV

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[ladyartemisa.livejournal.com]

You said exactly what I was thinking.

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[trissyd.livejournal.com]

I agree, and I'll have to say, also for the record, gothikbutterfly was a great sport about all the opinions.

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[elizebethjoy.livejournal.com]

I think she was a great sport, too. I'm amazed that she hung in there through 69 posts even though her little one is on his way. :)

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[elizebethjoy.livejournal.com]

Certainly true, but if I met a Chasval in real life, I would have no idea that he was named for an anime character. I would assume the best before the worst, like that it was a family name (maybe a last name?) or somesuch.

I think that when you first made your comment, there was no clarification between "odd name" and "odd name from pop culture or bastardization of words/names." Instead of thinking of Atreyu, I started thinking of friends and family who have names from other cultures or from a family history. In my family, we have Forest, Leolani, Sylwia, Jerzy, Loee, etc. All the parents had a good reason for naming their child, and that reason may not be evident when you first meet one of the people with the weird name.

You made the comment, sure, but I know that you're not the only person who feels that way. You just happened to be the first to say it. I do kind of wish that you had clarified what you meant by odd name; I absolutely agree that there is a difference between, oh, Pilot Inspektor (for an example) and Li Shen. But it does worry me to think that if I named my son that, poeple might assume he was named after a cartoon character instead of his grandfather.

To make a long story short, I was projecting my own fears based on what you wrote, and hormones and nausea didn't much help. Anyways, I'm going to stop trying to push my morals on everyone... sometimes I forget that the internet is NOT the best place to stage a debate.

Many congratulations on your pregnancy; sounds like we're both going to be having New Years babies. :)

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[cathkitten.livejournal.com]

I think that the name you give your child is important, and I, for one, would really like to know if people thought it was horrid. If I liked it enough I would still use it. But I'd want to know. Most of the time people are asking for opinions, and opinions include both good and bad.

I agree that tact could be used, but it's obnox when people get upset when they get comments from people with differing opinions from their own.

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[morphinae.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, do you mod here? Don't like it, don't read it. Tired of whiners. She asked for opinions, good or bad. Period. I don't beleive it is up to you to judge or scold people in this community for doing so.