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babynamesNot sure if this is really the place for it but it is about babynames and I could really use some unbiased advice.
So, I have a 3 year old daughter with my ex-husband. After the divorce I kept my married name so I would have the same last name as my daughter.
Now I'm 35 weeks pregnant with my second daughter now and I cannot figure out what her last name should be. Originally I thought it would be her fathers name but thats before he decided to leave us and join the ARMY. We hadn't talked in a couple of months but have recently started talking a little and it appears that he will have some sort of involovement with his daughter but in reality he will deployed the majority of the time. He is adamant that she have his last name.
Here is my side of the argument:
First, I think that it will be easier on both of my daughters if they have the same last name. That is really my main reason for wanting her to have my last name. I don't want my girls to feel a disconnect because of different names. (at school etc) Secondly, she is going to be with me 99% of the time so it would be nice for her to have my last name for practical purposes.
Here is his side of the argument:
First, a child should have his/her father's last name period. Second, she will already be closer with me because she will be with me all the time so having his last name would give her a connection to him. Third, he hates my ex-husband and doesn't want her to have any connection to him. Lastly, he says Im trying to make her something she isn't by giving her my last name, and that I need to be honest with her up front about the fact that they have two different fathers.
His is dating someone else already and has said some really shitty things about our baby in the past (that she will always be a mistake, saying he wished I had an abortion and that I didnt give him a choice about having her etc etc)However, I'm trying to make a decision that makes sense and is in the best interest of our daughter. I'm really trying to avoid making a decision out of spite.
I think I've included the relevant info. So, what do you think? What should her last name be?
I still haven't been able to come up with a first and middle name because I'm so preoccupied with the last name. I'm running out of time LoL.
So, I have a 3 year old daughter with my ex-husband. After the divorce I kept my married name so I would have the same last name as my daughter.
Now I'm 35 weeks pregnant with my second daughter now and I cannot figure out what her last name should be. Originally I thought it would be her fathers name but thats before he decided to leave us and join the ARMY. We hadn't talked in a couple of months but have recently started talking a little and it appears that he will have some sort of involovement with his daughter but in reality he will deployed the majority of the time. He is adamant that she have his last name.
Here is my side of the argument:
First, I think that it will be easier on both of my daughters if they have the same last name. That is really my main reason for wanting her to have my last name. I don't want my girls to feel a disconnect because of different names. (at school etc) Secondly, she is going to be with me 99% of the time so it would be nice for her to have my last name for practical purposes.
Here is his side of the argument:
First, a child should have his/her father's last name period. Second, she will already be closer with me because she will be with me all the time so having his last name would give her a connection to him. Third, he hates my ex-husband and doesn't want her to have any connection to him. Lastly, he says Im trying to make her something she isn't by giving her my last name, and that I need to be honest with her up front about the fact that they have two different fathers.
His is dating someone else already and has said some really shitty things about our baby in the past (that she will always be a mistake, saying he wished I had an abortion and that I didnt give him a choice about having her etc etc)However, I'm trying to make a decision that makes sense and is in the best interest of our daughter. I'm really trying to avoid making a decision out of spite.
I think I've included the relevant info. So, what do you think? What should her last name be?
I still haven't been able to come up with a first and middle name because I'm so preoccupied with the last name. I'm running out of time LoL.
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Date: 2007-11-01 09:02 pm (UTC)My reasoning:
(Sorry this is so long but like your situation, this one is a bit convaluted.)
My sister had a similar dilemma. She had two children to two different men and is now engaged to be married (she intends on taking his name). Her first child (Dani - 9 yo) she gave the father's surname. The second child (David -6 yo), her maiden name.
Dani's father has nothing to do with her (not to mention turned out wasn't her bio dad). Dani is upset that she has a his last name. My sister is letting her choose any last name she wants (keep the name she has, her bio dad's surname, maiden name or married name).
If my sister had just had used her last name hyphenated with the father's name it would have been easier to transition names and she would have been connected (by name) to my sister the whole time.
Good luck!