Last Name

[sweetest-novemb.livejournal.com]

Not sure if this is really the place for it but it is about babynames and I could really use some unbiased advice.

So, I have a 3 year old daughter with my ex-husband. After the divorce I kept my married name so I would have the same last name as my daughter.

Now I'm 35 weeks pregnant with my second daughter now and I cannot figure out what her last name should be. Originally I thought it would be her fathers name but thats before he decided to leave us and join the ARMY. We hadn't talked in a couple of months but have recently started talking a little and it appears that he will have some sort of involovement with his daughter but in reality he will deployed the majority of the time. He is adamant that she have his last name.

Here is my side of the argument:
First, I think that it will be easier on both of my daughters if they have the same last name. That is really my main reason for wanting her to have my last name. I don't want my girls to feel a disconnect because of different names. (at school etc) Secondly, she is going to be with me 99% of the time so it would be nice for her to have my last name for practical purposes.

Here is his side of the argument:
First, a child should have his/her father's last name period. Second, she will already be closer with me because she will be with me all the time so having his last name would give her a connection to him. Third, he hates my ex-husband and doesn't want her to have any connection to him. Lastly, he says Im trying to make her something she isn't by giving her my last name, and that I need to be honest with her up front about the fact that they have two different fathers.

His is dating someone else already and has said some really shitty things about our baby in the past (that she will always be a mistake, saying he wished I had an abortion and that I didnt give him a choice about having her etc etc)However, I'm trying to make a decision that makes sense and is in the best interest of our daughter. I'm really trying to avoid making a decision out of spite.

I think I've included the relevant info. So, what do you think? What should her last name be?

I still haven't been able to come up with a first and middle name because I'm so preoccupied with the last name. I'm running out of time LoL.

Comments

[red-inuzuka.livejournal.com]

I would give her your maiden last name, or the father's, but not the exs. When my mother remarried, I could have taken on my step dad's last name, but it never crossed my mind. I love my dad, he is awesome, and I am very proud to have his last name, even if my brothers and sisters don't have the same name. If my mom had forced me to take my step dad's last name (I was about 13 when they got married) I would have been very hurt to have someone who isn't even a part of me part of my name. You will, most likely, eventually need to tell the girls they have different fathers, and while it can get complicated, have faith that the kids will be able to get over it. I have six brothers and sisters of various degrees of relation, and while it gets interesting to explain, that's just how it is. Nothing I would do to change it, even if I could. Plus, how does the ex feel? Maybe he doesn't want a child not even his with his name. Most men I know wouldn't--it appears to show paternity and responsiblity for that child.