Last Name

[sweetest-novemb.livejournal.com]

Not sure if this is really the place for it but it is about babynames and I could really use some unbiased advice.

So, I have a 3 year old daughter with my ex-husband. After the divorce I kept my married name so I would have the same last name as my daughter.

Now I'm 35 weeks pregnant with my second daughter now and I cannot figure out what her last name should be. Originally I thought it would be her fathers name but thats before he decided to leave us and join the ARMY. We hadn't talked in a couple of months but have recently started talking a little and it appears that he will have some sort of involovement with his daughter but in reality he will deployed the majority of the time. He is adamant that she have his last name.

Here is my side of the argument:
First, I think that it will be easier on both of my daughters if they have the same last name. That is really my main reason for wanting her to have my last name. I don't want my girls to feel a disconnect because of different names. (at school etc) Secondly, she is going to be with me 99% of the time so it would be nice for her to have my last name for practical purposes.

Here is his side of the argument:
First, a child should have his/her father's last name period. Second, she will already be closer with me because she will be with me all the time so having his last name would give her a connection to him. Third, he hates my ex-husband and doesn't want her to have any connection to him. Lastly, he says Im trying to make her something she isn't by giving her my last name, and that I need to be honest with her up front about the fact that they have two different fathers.

His is dating someone else already and has said some really shitty things about our baby in the past (that she will always be a mistake, saying he wished I had an abortion and that I didnt give him a choice about having her etc etc)However, I'm trying to make a decision that makes sense and is in the best interest of our daughter. I'm really trying to avoid making a decision out of spite.

I think I've included the relevant info. So, what do you think? What should her last name be?

I still haven't been able to come up with a first and middle name because I'm so preoccupied with the last name. I'm running out of time LoL.

Comments

[aquilinum.livejournal.com]

I think you already know that he's acting like the last name issue is a battle to be won, not something that he thinks would be best for your daughter.

Do you want to surrender, tired of fighting about it, just so that he can win his little battle — or do you want to do what you think will most resonate with the daughter YOU are allowing (despite him) to live?



Your last name, or your maiden name. And if you find your spine wilting (sounds like he's — in many ways — in attack-ready mode and doing what he can to train up mentally not to back down), don't hesitate to come back and ask for support. It's not just about his ego or your wishes; it's about a human being who deserves to have her most permanent and obvious public family connection with the person who actually wanted her alive.

[sevensevenfour.livejournal.com]

I don't think I could agree with this comment more. I definitely think he's just using it as a way to win one on you. If he doesn't even want the baby, what does it matter if she has a "connection" to him? Seems silly to me. *shrugs*

[sweetest-novemb.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for the wisdom and empowering words. He is treating it like its a battle to be won. For some reason he has an absurd amount of power over me even still. Im sure it doesnt help that I'm just thoroughly exhausted and emotionally drained.