Last Name

[sweetest-novemb.livejournal.com]

Not sure if this is really the place for it but it is about babynames and I could really use some unbiased advice.

So, I have a 3 year old daughter with my ex-husband. After the divorce I kept my married name so I would have the same last name as my daughter.

Now I'm 35 weeks pregnant with my second daughter now and I cannot figure out what her last name should be. Originally I thought it would be her fathers name but thats before he decided to leave us and join the ARMY. We hadn't talked in a couple of months but have recently started talking a little and it appears that he will have some sort of involovement with his daughter but in reality he will deployed the majority of the time. He is adamant that she have his last name.

Here is my side of the argument:
First, I think that it will be easier on both of my daughters if they have the same last name. That is really my main reason for wanting her to have my last name. I don't want my girls to feel a disconnect because of different names. (at school etc) Secondly, she is going to be with me 99% of the time so it would be nice for her to have my last name for practical purposes.

Here is his side of the argument:
First, a child should have his/her father's last name period. Second, she will already be closer with me because she will be with me all the time so having his last name would give her a connection to him. Third, he hates my ex-husband and doesn't want her to have any connection to him. Lastly, he says Im trying to make her something she isn't by giving her my last name, and that I need to be honest with her up front about the fact that they have two different fathers.

His is dating someone else already and has said some really shitty things about our baby in the past (that she will always be a mistake, saying he wished I had an abortion and that I didnt give him a choice about having her etc etc)However, I'm trying to make a decision that makes sense and is in the best interest of our daughter. I'm really trying to avoid making a decision out of spite.

I think I've included the relevant info. So, what do you think? What should her last name be?

I still haven't been able to come up with a first and middle name because I'm so preoccupied with the last name. I'm running out of time LoL.

Comments

[confusedanswers.livejournal.com]

see that's scary territory for anyone to use. Yes, the mother carries the child for 9 months, but part of being a parent is welcoming your partner, if they are still into your life, to join in on parenting decisions. I'm not trying to get on a soapbox, but I just hate that line if you're carrying her in your uterus for 9 months- you should have the right to decide that..

[helloxkellyyy.livejournal.com]

Eh, to each their own. That's just my personal view.

[indyselsa.livejournal.com]

True, but saying he never wanted the child, or that he wishes she'd had an abortion sort of negates those rights, IMO.

[confusedanswers.livejournal.com]

oh in this case totally.. he said he didn't wan tit, it's hers to do as she pleases.. but in general, that line of thinking is horrible.

[indyselsa.livejournal.com]

Agreed. In cases where the father WANTS a say, and is willing to take the necessary responsibility, then I'm 100% with you.

[anapology.livejournal.com]

'it's hers' ..
baby guys!

[confusedanswers.livejournal.com]

I think you just had a failed attempt at making fun of my spelling or grammar, I'm unsure.

Regardless, what's the point of this reply?