"Protecting" your favorite names from "stealers"

[retrodancekitty.livejournal.com]

I know names are not property and there's not really such a thing as "stealing", hence the quotation marks

Let's say you have your favorite names picked out to for your kids, although the reality of having kids might lie several years ahead. Let's also say that you wouldn't be comfortable if someone close to you (family, friends, etc.) ended up using the same name as you.

I've been thinking and haven't been able to decide: on one hand, I believe in not telling anyone so as not to give anyone "ideas", leading them to use the names before you, if they get the chance first; on the other hand, I'm beginning to think maybe there are advantages in letting people know, so that you get to "call" the names.
In the first case, there's the chance someone will autonomously think up the same name as you, and if they get to use first, you can't come out then to say "but that was the name I was planning to use".
In the second case, you get to establish your "name territory", but it still might inspire someone who doesn't see the problem in using the same name as you.

Which of these strategies do you think works best?
Does it make a difference if the names you've picked are on the less common side of the spectrum, possibly affecting the chances that someone else might want to use them?

Comments

[celebrate.livejournal.com]

I'm someone who likes to share my names early. Sure, someone might "steal" them, but I like to think my family and friends are more respectful than that.

I *do* think it makes a huge difference how popular your children's names are. My daughters both had top 20 names (Chloe & Ella) when I chose them and they're only getting more popuar. I've prepared myself for the possibility that a friend or co-worker will use one of those names.

[hollis1975.livejournal.com]

keep it to yourself and accept the fact if friends and family chance across the name themselves. it might indicate your fav is more popular then you thought. i myself would never vocally lay claim to a name because my tastes change yearly and each pregnancy i had , had their own name lists.

when we named our son zachary my BIL and his wife called us a bit upset because that was their name choice. we told them tough noogies since we HAD the child and they didnt have one for another 5 years. and with the last name its hard to find a name to go with.( not that i was happy with the name, my husband likes it but i had a cat for 20 years named zachary.)

[a-tergo-lupi.livejournal.com]

This.

There are plenty of names.

[solitudete.livejournal.com]

My siblings, my cousins, my friends and I all have really different taste in names, so I'm not super worried about them using names I love. I have never made a point of telling them names I want to reserve and don't plan to. If they did pick something I loved, I would be really bummed but also really surprised! I guess it's kind of a good thing that they like trendy names. :X Thankfully they have not fallen prey to kr38tiv spellings though.

It would suck if they used a name I wanted to use, but I also have a lot of names I like, so it wouldn't be too difficult to move on and choose something else. And hell, I'm not having a kid anytime soon, so it's their call- and my taste might change by the time I do have a child anyway.

[night-sky-dream.livejournal.com]

I had a friend that used to steal my baby names when I was in my late teens so now I don't tell anyone (apart from some male friends because they don't care lol)

[night-sky-dream.livejournal.com]

Apart from my boy name which is James because it's used often anyway and my friends tend to go for more 'popular' names, where as James is more classic.

[renishas.livejournal.com]

I don't usually share names with other people I know are expecting and will deliver before me. I also don't choose one name outright that way if a close friend or family member uses one of the names I like I have few more that I love just as much.

[theljfromheck.livejournal.com]

I like to share my names with friends. Most of my friends probably know what name I'd use for another baby that may or may not(probably not) ever exist. If someone else used it I most likely would too.

[giveitfullheart.livejournal.com]

My taste changed sooo much that I wouldn't bother mentioning any names until I was either trying to conceive or pregnant. At that point, I always mention the names we're thinking about because people ask. I do like common names though so I guess I'm less concerned with other people using them :-P

[penguiny7.livejournal.com]

I think the best strategy is to not say anything and hope no one will pick the same name as you. I mean, what are the odds? I guess unless you know you have a similar naming style to someone close to you. Although I don't keep the names I like a secret, but I won't go around spreading a name I'd picked for my child. I'd have no problem saying a few names you like, especially since having kids is a while off. I just talked myself in circles, I think.

[hwar.livejournal.com]

Personally, I wouldn't share them. Your choices will probably change if your kids are several years out. If it won't change, i.e. you are planning to honor a family member, I think it's fine to mention it, but you also have to be okay with someone else in your family using the name if they have kids before you. For example, if you planned to honor your grandfather Ethan, but your brother had a boy before you and used the name, you can't be upset about that...after all, you might never have a boy! And he has as much right to honor your grandfather as you do.

There is no way to keep people from using names that you like, whether you tell them or not. The only reason to tell someone is to make them feel guilty for choosing a name they like, which they have every right to do. Personally I choose not to make others uncomfortable by putting dibs on a name when I might never have another child. They should be able to make a choice with a clear conscience (not guilt for choosing the same name, or regret for not choosing a name they love because they consider my feelings above their own).

I am speaking somewhat from experience, as someone in my family has put "dibs" on a family name...yet she doesn't plan to have more kids in the near future, whereas we are trying to have more. So do I let her have dibs, or do we add it to our list of names to consider? It's a sticky situation.

[harinakshi.livejournal.com]

A name is a big thing to me, but if someone I know is going to use it, well then, we're going to have kids with the same name, huh? There are thousands of others out there, and if you REALLY want your kid to have a name no one else has, well that's where diammond sparkcle comes in or whatever that poor baby's name was! Personally I can accept the fact that someone else I may be close with will use the same name. Now if I was newly pregnant and a friend was more pregnant and didn't already have a name picked out, I would still tell them and expect that they wouldn't "steal" it, wouldn't make for a very good friend, but as long as the middle names were different, I'd still use it if I really felt it was THE name for my baby.

[sallymn.livejournal.com]

You don't really get a say, do you? If someone else likes it, they'll use it, no one can really 'claim territory' on a name and many adults are just going to look squint-eyed at you if you try to tell them what not to call their kids.

I'd keep them quiet for two reasons: firstly, telling everyone would just bring the name to their attention and - if it's nice - increase the odds of someone deciding it's The Right One For Them (especially after a few years, your announcement will fade from their minds, the names may not). Secondly, if it's a while before you have them, your tastes - and choices - may very well change...

[wolfbane.livejournal.com]

I agree!

[pegasus2o5.livejournal.com]

telling everyone would just bring the name to their attention and - if it's nice - increase the odds of someone deciding it's The Right One For Them (especially after a few years, your announcement will fade from their minds, the names may not).

This is exactly what happened in my family. My dad, from the time he was a small child, really wanted to name his son Christopher. (Unusual thing for a little boy, but he was a weird kid.) Well, my dad proceeded to have four daughters, while his younger brother's first child was a son, whom he named... Christopher. When my dad, stunned and bewildered, asked my uncle why he'd chosen that name when he knew Dad had been planning to use it all his life, the only response my uncle could make was, "Oh, yeah... I thought it sounded familiar." My dad calling dibs on the name beforehand had, in fact, increased the chances of his brother using it, through decades of "background" exposure to the name. He even chose a middle that rhymed with the middle name my dad had picked out!

Incidentally, my parents did eventually have a boy, and they did name him Christopher. We call him Christopher, and our cousin Chris. It's really worked out fine.

[nightskygalaxy.livejournal.com]

Honestly I think it's best to keep name choices to yourself. Even if you tell others to try to "claim" the name you never know if someone else has been secretly liking that name too. And basically whoever has a kid first gets the name. If you still like it too you can always name your child that as well. And this is coming from someone who's boy name was "stolen" by a friend after I told her my name choice when I was pregnant. I ended up losing that pregnancy and she then named her son the name I had picked. Now I'm pregnant with a boy and while I could use the same name I decided against it. So yeah.. I'd just keep your mouth shut ;)

[requiem-morrow.livejournal.com]

Wow...I'd never take the name of my friend's lost child...thats awful!

[nightskygalaxy.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that one did sting a bit... but I'm over it now. I've got a name picked I like even better :)

[requiem-morrow.livejournal.com]

I don't share names...but it has more to do with my taste being very different from my friends and family. I got tired of the strange looks LOL! There are some names that are sadly out because someone else in the family got to them first (Asher, Liam, Elliot, among others). One of my favorites is Evily (previous post made about the spelling, still haven't decided LOL. Its my great aunt's name - Evil Lee, but pronounced like Emily with a v instead of an m).....But my cousin's daughter is named Emily so I'm a little worried that its too close. However, there will be years between the kids so maybe it won't matter too much.

[bandnerd88.livejournal.com]

My name tastes tend to be on the uncommon side, so when I do eventually start having kids I will probably keep our final choice to myself until the baby is born, mostly just so no one says anything about it! I do talk about my name tastes now, usually with my best friend or my mom, but it's different when it's hypothetical. Plus, my best friend and I have fairly different tastes and my mom is done having kids, lol. :D My mom usually thinks most of my names are "weird," so when I do have kids I'd rather tell her the name after the baby's born, so that she has a cute little baby to attach the name to. I know she won't be complaining much then!

Really, the only people close enough to me that might be having kids around the same time as me are my best friend and my boyfriend's sister, and I'm not that worried that they'll use something I absolutely love. There's only maybe three names that I would be incredibly disappointed about not using - the rest, well, there's other names in the sea! (And the kid would be my niece/nephew/godchild anyway, so I'd still get to "use" it all the time!)

[kimberpotamus.livejournal.com]

- <------ That is a hyphen.

[retrodancekitty.livejournal.com]

ahh that's right, thanks for the heads-up :)

[duckduckcaboose.livejournal.com]

I will reiterate: The only way to avoid name thieves is not to give them any ideas. If they still use the name because they happened upon it and liked it as you did, then it sucks, but they're not really stealing it.

[starskye.livejournal.com]

I am not having children for a loooong time. When and if I do, I will not share the name with anybody until the child is born and named. Everybody has (and will give) their opinion on the names, and I don't want to hear it. I want to pick the name from my heart that I feel is right. I don't want any outside influence aside from my husband.
I agree with all of you who say that the best way to avoid name stealers is to not tell them. The names I like aren't exactly common or uncommon- sort of in the middle. I've never met anyone who has used or even mentioned any of the names on my list, so I guess they are more uncommon. If someone happens to "steal" one of my names, I would be upset but I would handle it on a case by case basis. If it was someone I was not incredibly close with I'd probably use the name anyway. If it were someone close, I'd find another name to use. I guess it would all depend on the situation but I am not too worried about it.
I am also the type that would not find out the sex of the baby until it's born, either. I would go to the hospital with a boys name and a girls name.

[retrodancekitty.livejournal.com]

that's a pretty nifty agreement! :)

[clutterbang.livejournal.com]

When my son actually arrived, the whole name list went out the window. I was looking at names I would never have considered before, all of which I liked much more than the first list because it was tailored to the actual baby.

[retrodancekitty.livejournal.com]

That would be my problem: we have a name picked out for a girl that has a very special meaning to us, it's not even a name I would have liked, but it's her name. Not something that could be easily changed based on the preference of the moment.

[stormqueen280.livejournal.com]

My sister and I have similar taste, and after she said that Sophia and Lily are among her favorite names (years after I decided on them), I certainly won't tell her about Eva and Isabel...

[jamie-marie.livejournal.com]

My husband and I knew what our first boy would be named, years before we conceived him. Our family and close friends were aware of it from the beginning, and it was nice for everyone to refer to him by name (Ezra John) while I was pregnant.

I honestly wasn't worried about anyone "stealing" it. I'm sure once we're pregnant with #2 and have decided on a name, we'll share it. :)

[krosp.livejournal.com]

Interesting question.

I don't really think anyone has the right to claim a name though, unfortunately we all just have to wait our turn and hope that in the meantime nobody else too close to us uses it. I think the safest thing is to not mention it so you don't give them ideas. If you did mention it and they wanted to use it, then there would be tension between you. But if you don't mention it, and then they happen to like it and use it, then really they have just as much right as you to claim the name (more really, since they actually do have a kid). It would be a shame but you would just have to make a decision on whether to get over it or to still use it.

I think it would be ok to say to someone when they name their child, "That has always been my absolute favourite name- you have great taste!" I think you could still use it if they don't seem too possessive over it. If they do seem possessive, you could just honestly let them know that you still want to use it and it's a shame that they feel that way but you have always liked it and it's just an unfortunate coincidence that you both like it.

I think I would still use a name someone I know had used if it was a relatively common name or well known. If it was an obscure name I'd feel pretty bad about it because that person might think I was stealing it. This happened to me recently and I just gave up on the name.