A how-to list I wrote for baby names

[decembermalice.livejournal.com]

Hello!

I post how-to lists on a site called eHow, and today I wrote a silly one about how to and how not to name babies. I thought you'd find it funny or entertaining, so I'm posting it here. I hope you enjoy it! It's meant to be funny, not serious...sort of. :)

Step 1
DO use a trendy name if you like it. For instance, if Hayden's your favorite, go for it.

DO NOT plan for a bunch of kids so you can 'ayden' name them alphabetically. Cayden and Jayden may like their names, but Bayden, Dayden, Fayden, and Zayden may not be so happy.

Step 2
DO name a child after a relative. Grandma Stella's name is perfectly nice for a child.

DO NOT name your child after all of your relatives. A child named Stella-Bethany-Christina-Melissa-Brittany may not appreciate it.

Step 3
DO name a child after a celebrity or TV character that you're a fan of, if their name is Elizabeth or something else that's a normal, acceptable name.

DO NOT name a child after a celebrity or TV character with a name that will not work in every day life. For example, baby Tila Tequila and baby Stimpy may not appreciate your love for their namesakes.

Step 4
DO use unique names if you're sick of the original name. For example, Alessandra makes a lovely alternative to Alexandra.

DO NOT misspell a name to make it unique. Little Ahlykszandera will not like it when no one can spell her name.

Step 5
DO use unisex names if you like them. However, balance them out with a masculine or feminine middle name. Tyler Michael or Tyler Jane is a gender specific name, and will give your child options if they do not like their unisex name.

DO NOT use purely unisex names. Tyler Jordan will probably be upset when he or she gets birthday cards made for the opposite gender.

Step 6
DO give a child two middle names if you want to. If it's significant to you, go for it. Ryan Michael James is perfectly acceptable.

DO NOT give your child seventeen middle names. It's just wrong!

Step 7
DO name your child a name that is also a word. Grace, Rose, and Faith are all acceptable names.

DO NOT name your child a word that is not a name. Braces, Cheese, and Evil Monkey are not acceptable names for children.



The link, for anyone curious, is http://www.ehow.com/how_4555999_significant-celebrity-baby-names-responsibly.html

Comments

[kristinluffsyou.livejournal.com]

D: but...but... i was planning on naming my child Cheeze Alixayndreeuh! I THINK THATS PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE!!!

[decembermalice.livejournal.com]

I've seen it on a girl recently.

[arbus.livejournal.com]

i know a girl who is a senior in high school named tyler. i think its been pretty unisex for a while now. sadly.

[aaww-my-bees.livejournal.com]

Step 3.
I get comments about naming my kid after a TV character and how stupid it is and how he'll get made fun of for it. But it's a)a real name and b)spelled correctly. So they're all crazy, not me! :D

btw, I lolled.

[oni85.livejournal.com]

what is the name?

[aaww-my-bees.livejournal.com]

Harvey. Not everyone can even guess the show it's from, and no it's not the big white rabbit. lol :)

[kellyjoy.livejournal.com]

Sabrina the Teenage Witch is my only guess.

[aaww-my-bees.livejournal.com]

Yep. That's the one. haha

[azelmaroark.livejournal.com]

I would so name a kid after Harvey Dent. =D

[aaww-my-bees.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah people have asked about that too. haha I didn't even know who they were talking about until recently. I knew who two face was but didn't know his name.

[crazybouncycrls.livejournal.com]

great!

I love the Step 4 and Step 7.

There was a woman at walmart named Laquisha but she spelled it La-queeshia

why add the -ia if you pronounce it just -a and whats with the hyphen?

[invisiblepet.livejournal.com]

Number 4's crazy spelling would look GREAT with an apostrophe somewhere in it!

[crazybouncycrls.livejournal.com]

hate the ' and - trend in names

my niece is Te'layah Ki-niah
She is 4 in preschool and is having the hardest time spelling her name... she gets the TE but cant figure out how to write the rest after that damn ' because an apostrophe is not a letter they teach you in the alphabet and it confuses the hell out of her! lol

[piecesofmoi.livejournal.com]

They should pass this out to all pregnant women at their first OB appointment! lol

[sarahmarie.livejournal.com]

I agree. lol

[nothingtolose19.livejournal.com]

LOLOL.

I enjoyed that, thanks! :)

I love Step 7 *scratches Evil Monkey off her list* xD

[decembermalice.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[twitchywoman.livejournal.com]

That is a better list than what I would have done ;-) Mine would consist of telling people they look stupid and so will their children if the names are spelled stupidly or not a name or are super trendy.

[doodlbug.livejournal.com]

I call dibs on Evil Monkey Cheese Ahlykszandera. I'm gonna be pissed if any of y'all steal my baby name.

ps. I loved the list. :)

[decembermalice.livejournal.com]

You can have Evil Monkey Cheese Ahlykszandera, but I really think you should make it Evil Monkey Cheese Stimpy Ahlykszandera...you know, to make it classier. :)

[laminy.livejournal.com]

No. No, I don't care whether or not you like a trendy name, stop producing more of them! I still like Braeden, but I would never, ever even consider it now. I can't believe that they'd be for that, but against the unique spellings. Those seem to go hand in hand.

I do agree with a few of these though, because a couple of my favourite names fall under them.

[krosp.livejournal.com]

Good job.

If I could tell every parent to be one thing they need to know about naming, my rule would be this:

If you think it is unique check again. Just because you didn't know many kids growing up with the name when you were a kid, doesn't mean it's still uncommon now.

[smallandneedy.livejournal.com]

I was reading this in my lecture, and I had to bite my lip so I wouldn't burst out laughing. It was hilarious.
I love it.