An interesting debate
Jan. 7th, 2008 04:29 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
girlsteve.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
babynamesAs you may have noticed, I've always been quite a fan of unisex names, girls names on boys/boys names on girls etc. however, I appreciate that it's not to everyone's taste and that you have to be careful not to lumber a kid with a name that'll cause confusion and teasing their whole life just because of your gender views.
The reason I bring this up is because a friend and I were having a discussion about names that I thought you guys might have some interesting comments on.
The thing is, my name choices in this respect are kind of political. for the most part they're not - in lots of cases, I just think that some traditional 'male' names work better on girls and vice versa, so maybe I just have different taste to the world at large. But there is also an element of gender politics, because I've always thought that there isn't a big difference between the sexes and that any child should be free to find their own identity regardless of the sex they were born. I'm one of those people who would be quite comfortable to let their little boys play with barbies or wear dresses IF THATS WHAT THEY CHOSE TO DO. And this is the thing, its the choice issue. I'm not going to put my little boy in a dress to make a statement if he doesn't want to wear it, and giving the stigma that goes with cross dressing he probably wont and that's fine. But he can choose to without judgement from me. However, if i name him Rachael - as much as it's a pretty name, and as much as it has always struck me personally as kind of masculine and as much as I don't think he should be insulted to be called a girl (after all, what's wrong with being a girl?) - he's going to have to live with that whether he likes it or not. I've always been a firm believer that you shouldn't use your kids for your own ends, personal, emotional or political, and in the real world you can't make your kids a crusade.
My friend, who agrees with me on many issues of feminist politics, disagree's with me on this one. She says that if you raise a kid to be strong, secure and not sexist then they wont have a problem with having a name of the other gender and are no more likely to have a problem with it than if you choose some other name they didn't like. As she says, no child gets a choice in their own name. She reckons that if you like a girls name on a boy you should use it, and only when people start doing that are these social ideas going to change. She also points out that I'm a girl named Steve and it never did me any harm - quite the opposite. I love my name and I personally think it's helped me. But I dunno.... She quite likes Racheal for a boy, and part of my wonders if I should feel really guilt for using it as an off-the-top-of-my-head example, just in case her future son resents me for it....
So, long rambly issue. But for the troopers who read it, wdyt?
The reason I bring this up is because a friend and I were having a discussion about names that I thought you guys might have some interesting comments on.
The thing is, my name choices in this respect are kind of political. for the most part they're not - in lots of cases, I just think that some traditional 'male' names work better on girls and vice versa, so maybe I just have different taste to the world at large. But there is also an element of gender politics, because I've always thought that there isn't a big difference between the sexes and that any child should be free to find their own identity regardless of the sex they were born. I'm one of those people who would be quite comfortable to let their little boys play with barbies or wear dresses IF THATS WHAT THEY CHOSE TO DO. And this is the thing, its the choice issue. I'm not going to put my little boy in a dress to make a statement if he doesn't want to wear it, and giving the stigma that goes with cross dressing he probably wont and that's fine. But he can choose to without judgement from me. However, if i name him Rachael - as much as it's a pretty name, and as much as it has always struck me personally as kind of masculine and as much as I don't think he should be insulted to be called a girl (after all, what's wrong with being a girl?) - he's going to have to live with that whether he likes it or not. I've always been a firm believer that you shouldn't use your kids for your own ends, personal, emotional or political, and in the real world you can't make your kids a crusade.
My friend, who agrees with me on many issues of feminist politics, disagree's with me on this one. She says that if you raise a kid to be strong, secure and not sexist then they wont have a problem with having a name of the other gender and are no more likely to have a problem with it than if you choose some other name they didn't like. As she says, no child gets a choice in their own name. She reckons that if you like a girls name on a boy you should use it, and only when people start doing that are these social ideas going to change. She also points out that I'm a girl named Steve and it never did me any harm - quite the opposite. I love my name and I personally think it's helped me. But I dunno.... She quite likes Racheal for a boy, and part of my wonders if I should feel really guilt for using it as an off-the-top-of-my-head example, just in case her future son resents me for it....
So, long rambly issue. But for the troopers who read it, wdyt?
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no subject
Date: 2008-01-07 08:07 pm (UTC)I feel that if the parents goal is gender neutrality, then choose a gender neutral name. Naming a boy Rachael doesn't say 'break gender barriers'; it really says 'look how anti-establishment we are!'. Swapping names does nothing to promote equality, in fact it makes the child's gender even more obvious - they will be 'the boy named Rachael' rather than simply 'Rachael'.
I want my son and my daughter to get respect for what they do, not the statement their names make.
no subject
Date: 2008-01-07 09:47 pm (UTC)I feel that if the parents goal is gender neutrality, then choose a gender neutral name.
The problem with this is, what IS a gender neutral name?
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Date: 2008-01-07 11:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-07 11:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-08 11:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-08 12:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-11 11:56 am (UTC)I'm not saying that anything's wrong with that, I have a name that is unisex now, I'm just sayin.