baby names, what else

[fleckerbug.livejournal.com]

Okay, so I mentioned a few months ago that I was talking to FSIL about baby names and they liked the name Rosalind. My deceased daughter's name was Brenna Rose-- that's her full first name, not first and second. Anyway, many of you understood my discomfort and others of you pointed out that it's pronounced differently and I don't own the name and it wasn't her whole name anyway, etc. Anyway, you were all right, I don't own the name and it is pronounced differently, but it does make sense that it might make me uncomfortable. My main concern had been her having similar nicknames(like 'Rosie') to our daughter.. it would just be very hard on me and my fiance to constantly hear that (we all live close by each other and see each other ona  regular basis). Some of you suggested if it bothered me that much to say something-- I didn't want to tell them not to use the name or anything, but some of you suggested just telling FSIL which nicknames were sensitive to me. Anyway, it's now 3 weeks from FSIL's wedding, I know they haven't been using any protection for awhile, and so babies comes often in conversation-- we're getting married ourselves in 11 mo and plan to TTC again soon after the wedding. Anyway.. FSIL was really not feeling well today and we got on the subject of pregnancy.. everyone kept asking her if she was. Anyway, names came up again and this time she said they were thinking of Rose. 0_0 Okay.. so if my look of shock didn't tell her how I felt, I don't know what will. I brought up to her that they had said before they like Rosalind, but they said they'd since decided it didn't go well with their other R- name they know they definitely want for a boy. Then she mentioned some other names she liked and she liked them because they were family names. I mentioned that when we used Rose we didn't know it was a family name, but it's their paternal great grandmother's name (she didn't know that eithe; maybe I should have kept my mouth shut, but I was trying to interject my daughter's name into the convo.). Anyway.. WDYT? This time I feel almost like I might feel okay saying something. I could see her not making the Rosalind connection, but c'mon, Rose? Before I felt like I might be over stepping to even mention that it made me uncomfortable, but I dunno..ugh. Maybe her mother will say something. Maybe I shouldn't worry until they're actually pregnant, but I don't want her to get her heart set on it ant then us tell he it'll upset us. I also don't want to come out like I'm forbiding her to use the name, so what to say? I know some of you before said I didn't own the name and it's not like she wants to use Brenna or something. I wouldn't tell her not to use it, just maybe that I'd rather she not.

Now I am rarely whiney and am never lame enough to say "Please don't be mean and make me cry", but if you have something to say, please be nice, even if what you're saying is it's not my name or child and I should have no opinion or say, don't use mean words.. this is a sensitive subject for me. (Sorry.. just lately getting a lot of people thinking they're not being offensive when they're being really rude.. not in this comm really).


Their other name was Barbara May. I found this amusing because my fiance and I like May as well, but I would want to spell it Mae and his cousin has a little baby, almost 2 mo., whom they named Eleanor Mai. I was a little dissapointed when I heard her middle name, but figured, what the hell, at most we'll end up with third cousins with duplicate middle names, spelled differently. I'd find it highly amusing if 3 of May's great-grandchildren end up with her name for a middle name! Also wondering if there's a third unusual way to spell it. Eh, I dont think if his sister uses it we'll use it though. And she's welcome to Barbara (maternal grandmother)!


Okay--last thing. I know I've said to people before they should never let themselves be forced to use a name they hate-- compromise is great, but both parents need to be happy with the name. Well, my fiance loves, loves, <i>loves</i> two names-- Mary and Alice. Mary is just out-- my name is Meredith and I don't want a daughter named Mary ( unless I have twins--Mary and Edith? Wouldn't that be horrible? :) ) Well, I don't want to be a total ogre, so I'm trying to warm up to Alice and I'm coming to terms with using it as a middle name but not as a first name. Gah, it would help if my fiance liked more names! He's said he's liked these names since he was young and really wants to use them (he really wants to use them together-- Mary Alice.. it just sounds so nasally  to me).

Anyway, any idea of names that will go well with Alice? Preferably for Alice for a middle name. Other names we're liking are Jonah Edward and.. well, keeping the first name secret, but ends in '-lyn' and Esme (Ez-mee) for a middle name. We also.. guilty pleasure.. like 'Prism' and I suggested Prism Alice to my fiance.. he seemed to like it. Suggestions?

Comments

[christhiane.livejournal.com]

I don't understand what you mean by FSIL, but if they're friends/family I'd say it is a bit insesitive, after all names and words have connotations.

How about Mei? That's a Chinese name, though.

I'm not sure if I like Prism, but it does go well with Alice.

[fleckerbug.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Sorry, FSIL means 'future sister-in-law'. Common acronym in the wedding communities-- I need to remember where I'm posting! So, the person in question is my fiance's sister.

Yah.. I thought up Prism when I was making a comment in this community, actually. It was on that whole 'Matrix' as a name post a few months ago.. I was making fun of new-agey names and I came up with Prism as an example.. but then realized I kinda liked it! (I don't think Matrix is new-age, but the OP did.) I agree that it's kinda interesting with Alice.

I like Mei, thanks! I'm actually thinking maybe Alice Mei/Mae.

[glitterberrys.livejournal.com]

Brenna is one of my favorite names, has been forever. I'm so sorry for your loss :(

But if Rose is a family name, I'd say she has the right to use it. It's also quite a common name, especially as a middle name. I can understand being upset if she does use it, but at the end of the day, if she doesn't get that it upsets you, or thinks you're being oversensitive, that's just...it, I guess. You can't exactly forbid her from using it. I'd say just explain that it makes you uncomfortable and leave it at that. I mean, saying if the look on your face doesn't make her understand, nothing will...dude, that's hardly fair. Can't expect people to read your mind.

But at the same time...Rose isn't an unusual name. If it were, or she wanted to use Brenna, which IS really uncommon, I would understand where you were coming from better. Again, you have every right to tell her how you feel, but IMO, not to expect her to necessarily honor that.

I'm not nuts about "Prism," but then I'm painfully traditional sometimes ;) Alice is a cute name! Not my favorite name ever, but I think it could go nicely with a lot of things.

I LOVE the name Jonah!

[fleckerbug.livejournal.com]

hanks. Yeah, Rose is a family name, but she didn't know til I told her, lol. She is also kind taking up all the family names.. what with Barbara and May and also wanting to use my fiance's name (he's a third), and their first son will be named after he fiance. Oh well, we can reuse some names, I guess.

I didn't quite mean it that if the look on my face wouldn't explain it nothing will, sorry. I meant more I'd be surprised if she didn't pick up on it making me uncomfortable by the look on my face. I was just trying to communicate that she really took me by surprise and I couldn't hide my shock when she said it. I don't expect her to read my mind. I guess my concern is whether I feel comfortable to voice and opinion at all and if we don't how uncomfortable we'll be hearing the child's name. Maybe I'll just leave it up to my fiance to deal with.. lol. I can also see her not honoring it and me being okay with that, it just feels like I would at last like to voice my opinion.. it is sometimes hard for me to do that what his family. I love his mother and sister, but they can be demanding and I'm more soft-spoken.

Yeah, that common name thing is a point. It didn't seem so common when we used it, but yes it is. Ya know.. if it were our daughter's middle name or her daughter's middle name it might not bug so much, if that makes sense.

I don't think Prism is going to happen-- we really like it, but I think other names will over-shadow it and if our family catches wind they'll try to talk us out of it. Of course, Brenna Rose's middle name was 'Sherman' after my cat that died 2 weeks before her death (helloooo morphine!).

[fleckerbug.livejournal.com]

And thank you, I love the name Brenna- too, saddens me I don't get to hear it every day-- I actually totally spaced and when we named her I forgot that I have a Cousin John Brennan and an Aunt Brenda! I had found it on an online baby name book and it meant 'flame' (althgouh in every single other book I've consulted it means 'raven-haired' and it's Irish, which reflects my heritage and part of my fiance's, lol. She had red hair, as do I, and I sometimes called her my little 'Flame Rose'.

And thanks about Jonah, too. We came up with it when we were brainstorming one day. For some reason it reminds be of Noah-- pronunciation, letters, and being biblical, I guess, but not as trendy. Also, my grandfather's name was John, so kinda close. And Edward is my fiance's middle name-- if we don't use his full name. We've joked about doing a whale theme nursery of a baby Jonah! :)

Also, thank you for your condolences.

[krosp.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear she's got even closer to your daughter's name this time. It doesn't sound like she's got the point at all. Something makes me think that even if you explained it to her, she wouldn't understand.

Do you think there is any chance that with time, you would get used to your niece being called Rose? I know I don't really understand because I have never been through anything like what you have so I can't imagine the pain that another child with that name would cause although I think it is very understandable. But if you think that even in 5, 10, 30 years time having a niece called Rose will still be upsetting to you then you should definitely say something.

I do think she's being insensitive using this name but as I said before, it sounds like she's just not getting it and might not ever.

[krosp.livejournal.com]

(lets hope they only have boys)

[fleckerbug.livejournal.com]

Haha, thanks! ;)

[fleckerbug.livejournal.com]

I've thought that down the road it might be nice if my grown child or a grown child I'm close to, such as an niece/nephew or friend's daughter, used the name, that maybe might be nice, but this is just so soon, if that makes sense. I think it;ll be earlier on that it'll be the hardest, ya know? And later on it'll just be a constant reminded of what we lost. I can just see it being harder for different reasons at different steps down the road. the other day I got the irrational fear that I'll accidentally call our next child Brenna Rose occasionally and I'm sure that'll happen, I just hadn't thought of it before, until the other day, but to have another child actually named Rose would make it even weirder and harder to deal with, I think. And this may be stupid, but she and I are both redheads and fine-featured and Brenna had a lot of both of us in her and I'm sure her kids will look similar. *sigh*.. do I just over-think things??

I don't want to control what people name their children, but I also wish people would be more sensitive. This is the same girl who two weeks after my daughter's extremely premature birth informed me over Easter brunch that she'd decided that her fictional character (she writes, mostly fanfic online), whom was also pregnant, was was going to have a miscarriage.

[psychie.livejournal.com]

Oh, I am really sorry about your loss. Rose is a great name, but unless they are using it in her memory I do not think it is appropriate. I do think if you can, talk to her {when she is pregnant}. :D

Jonah is a very cool name. I did not think I would like it but I have a new cousin called that and it is just an adorable name!!

[fleckerbug.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your condolences.

Yes, we love the name Rose, but I agree with you. I just don't think it's appropriate. And you're right, she's in no way mentioned they're thinking of using it to honor our daughter, which just makes it worse. Yes, it may be better to wait until she's pregnant to bring it up to her. The funny thing is their grandmother, May, is this really proper Englishwoman who has an opinion about everything-- maybe she'll say something? Oy, can't rely on others to do my work for me, though..

[bree019.livejournal.com]

I think Alice is a beautiful, classic name.

[fleckerbug.livejournal.com]

thank you. I like it on one level, I just don't totally like it. My fiance loves Alice in Wonderland, which is his inspiration. I think if he had just said Alice and not "Mary Alice" I would have been on the Alice bandwagon a long time ago. I did recently have what I think is a cute idea-- our children will have a strong genetic tendency to be blond or, more likely, red-haired and I think that it'd be cute if a girl came out blond to name her Alice.

[chippyjem.livejournal.com]

I love Alice : ) It was our chosen girls name, but we had a boy!
(and or boy name was Edward- but when our little man came into the world, he was clearly not an Edward, oh well!)

Would it be possible for your fiance to talk to his sister? He could probably get away with saying how you guys truly feel, without a lot of awkwardness.

[chibiaichan.livejournal.com]

you could always use the name Allison and use Alice as a nice name??