Question

[ewaeva.livejournal.com]

Why are babies so often given names "in honour" of the father (whether it's a first or middle name), and almost never the mother, who, let's face it, usually does most of the work of parenting?

I find this bizarre and unfortunate. 



Especially since two people I've known who have named their children "in honour of" the father ended up being single moms with dads who pretty much walked out on them - I know that's not always predictable, but it's ironic nonetheless.

Comments

[maude.livejournal.com]

I understand what you're talking about...my grandfather has three grandkids named after him and my grandma has NONE. It's so crazy.

And I have no idea. It also seems like a lot of the father's names that are passed down happen to be some of the ugliest. (No offense meant to anyone doing that/named that/whatever.)

[primarycolor.livejournal.com]

omg you're so right. my fiancee's middle name was after his grandfather and it's CLIFTON

What's worse is that he wants to name OUR BABY CLIFTON. UGH *shudder*

[wykd-faerie.livejournal.com]

i know what you mean! my best friend's boyfriend is Curtis and she can't stand it, but he's junior and wants his son (if he has one) to be the third. I made her feel better when I told her she could call him "Three" for short (she like unique stuff like that). I got the idea from a book i read in which the mother was insiting on "junior" but her husband was junior so her baby would have to be "the third" and they started refferring to the baby as "the third" while discussing the problem. That got shortened to "three" and stuck.

[sleepherealone.livejournal.com]

I agree, running family names are stupid. I'm so glad my branch of the family tree decided to be different.

[mountain-nest.livejournal.com]

My son's middle name is my husband's (his father's) first name. I did it because I liked the name (I had a hard time finding any boy names I loved because I hated pretty much all of them, so my favorite name became the first name and my next favorite was the middle name.) and because of the love I have for my husband. If we ever have a girl, I've considered giving her part of my name, but I really don't care for my first name so it'd be my middle name that would be passed on somehow. But yes, we have discussed the use of part of my name for a baby girl should we ever have one.

[mountain-nest.livejournal.com]

also: I have had many female family members named in honour of female ancestors.

[ewaeva.livejournal.com]

That's great. I think it makes sense, and I wouldn't necessarily be opposed to giving my own child part of my husband's name. I was just pointing out that honouring the mother in a name is so much more rare than the father.

(and, I am saddened by girls naming their kids after "baby daddies" who then disappear - giving the kid his name ain't gonna make him stay ;) )

[ewaeva.livejournal.com]

Ha! Good point about the favouritism :)

[ewaeva.livejournal.com]

LOL - actually I didn't even notice your spelling :)

Man, that would be a tough break for a kid, being named for rich, bitchy old aunt Ethel.

[mrsduryee.livejournal.com]

in the US its favoritism. silly -our.... lol

[elemmennope.livejournal.com]

A couple theories..

Because men are so unbelievably possessive and territorial that they have to brand their children as their belongings. And I think historically it was done because it's always obvious who the mother was -- the one and got pregnant and gave birth. But who is to know what man created that baby 9 months early? Men had to prove their role to the world by giving the baby their name.

And regarding your footnote, I wonder if sometimes women name after the father as a way to try to get the man to bond with it and stick around. They probably know, at least on some level, that's really not into it and think that will make a difference.

[ewaeva.livejournal.com]

I think your theory about proving paternity makes a lot of sense. But I wish the tradition wasn't so tenacious!

And as for getting the father to stick around - that's what I mentioned in response to a previous comment, before I read yours - I do agree. It's very sad.

[muliebrity.livejournal.com]

Simple answer? Patriarchy in action.

[trissyd.livejournal.com]

My middle name is my mom's name :)!

I completely agree though... patriarchy... boo! That should really go both ways... in a perfect world, eh?

On another note, Most of the babies I see named after their fathers nowadays are paternity cases on MAURY :). I'm quite aganist the JR & the II & III (and so on) trend... the only place I like family names is a middle name. Personal preference.

[heyitsrebecca.livejournal.com]

My oldest's second middle name is mine.
My youngest isn't named after anyone. I breifly tossed around the idea of naming her after her dad, but didn't.
I thought about naming her Leah Rebecca, but it seemed wayy too biblical.

However, in couples that stay together, or really, active fathers at all, I dont discount a father's role. There's way more to parenting than making pb&j's and changing diapers. I like to think my SO and I parent pretty equally.
So unless I got knocked up by a total loser who didn't want me or my baby, I'd consider naming bambino after him. Why not? I don't see anything wrong with it.
Unless dad is named something stupid. That's totally different. LOL

[faery-whisper.livejournal.com]

In my family we have both. The full name of my great grandfather has been passed down through my grandfather, my uncle and now my cousin, but my name, Kathryn, has been passed down through generations as well. My grandmother's name was Kathryn, my mother and now me(it could have started before my grandmother, but I don't know what my maternal great-grandmother's first name was). Our middle names changed, but the first name has always been the same. And in my immediate family, my father passed down his name to my brother. So, I guess I don't really have a problem with the male side of my family passing on the same name to generations since the female side does the same.

[justsurvive.livejournal.com]

sometimes the women request that their names are not passed on. My grandma reminds us all the time to never use her names for a child (Bertha Mae). And I do plan on using the other grandmothers name as a middle name if i ever have more children(Ruby).
I didnt want to use either of the grandfathers names because i find them old fashioned and not in a good way.
If i had a son, i considered using my husbands middle name. Travis.
But im having a girl and shes not getting named after anyone. But she is getting my last name. And i never changed my name with marriage. I think i will continue this when i remarry. If i remarry and have children the males will get new husbands last name and if they are girls they get mine.

[miss-tee.livejournal.com]

We have pretty much equal opportunity naming in my family. While a majority of the men have their first or middle name in honour of a father, uncle or grandfather, alot of women have the same tradition in their names.

My mother's middle name is Maria after her father's sister, my Aunt Katie's middle name is Christina after her mother's mother, my Aunt Erna's middle name is Elfrieda after her mother. My cousin Mike gave his daughter the middle name Margaret after his sister etc

[krosp.livejournal.com]

I think - as a sweeping generalisation - guys have such a big ego... they are so excited at the idea of having a "junior"... whereas women tend to be more down to earth and think it seems vain to name a kid after themselves. But there are women in my family named after their mothers. I think probably, there would be fairly equal amounts of boys and girls named after OTHER relatives, but when it comes to being named after the parents, you're right - it's much more common for a boy to be named after his father than a girl to be named after her mother.

[cocinadelfeto.livejournal.com]

I'm named after my mom. :D And my brother isn't named after my dad. So there's an exception.

My son's middle name is my husband's middle name, but also my brother's first name. I mainly used it because I like the name, but also wanted to honor them both. I don't do it only for males, though. If we were having a girl, her name would be a derivation of my mom's and my names. We're having another boy though, so he's not being named after anyone. Just names we like. :)

[myfriendjenny.livejournal.com]

I hadn't really noticed that, not in my family anyway. But I could see it being true.

I think in my family there can be too much of an effort to work in family names. I remember one of my cousins was going to be Mary Jean Ruth Green if he had been a girl. Mary, Jean, and Ruth all being family names.

My son has my husband's name as him middle name, but if he had been a girl it would have been either my name in there, or maybe my mom.

[mooie-ziel.livejournal.com]

Its called a patriarchal society.

[morphinae.livejournal.com]

Because men are arrogant. They will always think THEY made the kid. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, it's just now they are. For example, when the baby is born, they are SOOO proud a what THEY did. It's just how they are. Women are generally less possessive and feel less of a need to 'mark' something as their own. My son's middle name is a variation of his dad's name, my ex insisted. It was either that or he'd have to be the third in line with that name *shudders*. Thankfully my husband thinks it's incredibly self-centered and stupid to name your kid after yourself, and won't do it.

[ms-cucumber.livejournal.com]

This is true, but I think more and more you find that a boy is given his mother's maiden name as a middle name.

[hitzpink.livejournal.com]

Because most guys have big egos and want everyone to know this kid is MINE. I MADE THIS KID. SEE HOW STRONG AND MANLY MY SPERM ARE? THEY MADE THIS KID. HE'S MINE.

Another reason it bugs me is that in most cases the kid is already getting the dad's last name. Isn't that "marking your territory" enough?

[mrsduryee.livejournal.com]

Just tradition I guess. It doesn't bother me as long as the person being honored is worthy of honor. I would say in my family names are passed on pretty equally. I just was thinking though, that first names are never passed on as first names--always middle names. I kind of like that, because at least all the FNs in our family are new. Hehe.

[yukonsally]

My friend JJ is named after her mother, first and middle name, who was named after her mother. JJ will give her daughter the same first and middle name.

[so-there.livejournal.com]

my son's midle name is my husband's first name. I suggested it and he ok'd it. he wants to use my name as a middle name sometime, but I don't think I want to. I dunno.. maybe it's because I actually *like* birth and pregnancy, and honoring the father with a name is a way to get him more in on it since he misses out on all the fun stuff. maybe it's becasue I read "cheaper by the dozen" when I was younger, the true story, and they named their first son after the father but the mother wouldn't agree to a daughter named after her until the 4th girl came around :)

as for other family members, gramas have jsut as much a chance of being passed down as grampas do, as far as being used as middle names. my oldest daughter has my grandmother's name for a middle name. this baby if it's a girl will have a derivative of my mom's name for a first name and my MIL's middle name as the middle name. if it's a boy the middle name will be the my dad's and FIL's (they have the same name). both also include a grandparent in them, as my MIL and her mom have the same middle name hence passing on that tradition (my MIL had all boys so she couldn't do it to her kids) and my dad and his dad have the same name.

wow, that's confusing. I hope I made even a little bit of sense! btw, we're not using family names as first names (with the exception of the derivation of my mom's name--it's different enough people might not even get that it's the same root name.)

[danacarlesays.livejournal.com]

I was actually wondering something of the same recently.

My 38 year old uncle and his 43 year old wife had their first child together (each with children of their own from previous relationships). Anyways, this guy is the biggest douche of our entire family. Huge macho, egotistical man who says that all the other males of the family (the nephews and his youngest brother) are "bringing shame to the family name". Of course, he never mentions how he used to be the school drug dealer, grow pot and stuff in my grandparents house, use his family for money, beat his younger siblings, or have his best friend rape my aunt (the youngest sister).

Want to know how hes "preserving the honor" of our family name? By naming his new born son NOT Junior. Oh no, that would be beneath him. Nope, this poor kid is saddled with the audastic name of Edward the II........seriously. Its left our family saying, "WTF??"

[primarycolor.livejournal.com]

my first son will be named after his grandfather, uncle and step-uncle. john is the family name on one side. :)

but my second son will be named after his grandMOTHER :) Thomas. My mom was named Tommi because my grandpa was soooooo obsessed with having 3 boys and 3 girls when he had a 4th girl and only had two sons - he named his girl Tommi Gaye

[sotypical42483.livejournal.com]

Because we live in a patriarchal society. Men grow up feeling like THEIR NAME should preserved and passed down. It's the same reason babies are given their dad's last name and why women take on their husbands last name.

[ciara-belle.livejournal.com]

Patriarchy.

I can think of some historical examples of daughters being named after mothers and grandmothers, though.

Personally, if I have a daughter, I'm naming her after my grandmother.

[holly-megan.livejournal.com]

Me and my siblings all have namesakes.

Holly Megan Ruth - Ruth is after my grandmother on my dad's side.
Paige Nicole - Page was my other grandmother's maiden name.
Logan Scott - Scott is my Dad's name.

My boyfriends middle name is his Dad's middle name too, so all the namesakes I'm close to are even either way, haha.

[sageharper.livejournal.com]

Same here, damm patriarchy.

Much as my father is a great guy I wouldn't want my brother or myself to be named after him (which we're not), we have his surname and that's plenty.

So I wouldn't name a child after their parent/s; seems to me a slightly egoistical and unimaginative practise, and awkward if said parent goes awol. They'd get his surname (hyphenated with mine), but that goes if he does. I'm totally naming after other relatives though, male and female.

[sleepherealone.livejournal.com]

My middle name is also my mom's middle name (which was her mom's first name).