Settling on names... without your partner.

[velkoria.livejournal.com]

Has any of you settled on a name you LOVE and WILL use regardless of your partner?

I know I have a girl's name I am not budging on (unless you know, my partner tells me that his mother was killed by someone of that name) but the boy's name I am open to changing when and if I have a boy. I've loved this name since I was 12 though and I've had several recurring dreams of my daughter being named this, not to mention they are family names.... 

So yeah, any of you have experience with this??

Comments

[twitchywoman.livejournal.com]

While I love the names Violet, August and Aurelia, I think I could survive if I don't use them. The one name that is necessary to be a middle name is Manning. I will not budge on that name.

[sunshinelucy.livejournal.com]

I have had my favourite boy name securely in place since I was 8 years old (and I'm 24 now). It my be my all-time favourite and the only name I can imagine definitely using, but I am well aware my partner may not like it at all... or that he may have a name he feels equally passionate about that I dislike.
No matter how much I may love a name and how long I have mentally decided on it, my partner's opinion still matters in the decision and I will not use something one of us dislikes. If we both hate each others' favourites, we'll keep looking. There are so many names out there, and while neither of us might get to use our individual first choices, I have faith that we'd be able to compromise and find our first-choice-as-a-couple name.

[iam-katie.livejournal.com]

You nailed it! For me atleast!

[wiveswithknives.livejournal.com]

I THOUGHT I felt that way, then I got married. Marriage is about compromise and our child is just as much my husband's as mine. I love my husband too much to make that decision without him.

[bloojanuary.livejournal.com]

This.

[gf-girlie.livejournal.com]

Indeed.

[coendou.livejournal.com]

This. I was pretty upset that my husband was down on my very favorite girl name, but we finally compromised that if we have three girls, if I'm still so crazy about it he'll let me use it. But our first turned out to be a boy anyhow, and we came up with some girls' names that I like nearly as much (and that we BOTH really like), so I'm a lot less worried about it now.

[plaidpineapple.livejournal.com]

This. I'd feel really uncomfortable using a name my husband hated.

[lorienellen.livejournal.com]

To be honest, I do have favorite names that I'm sad my husband doesn't like, but this child is his as well as mine and I feel like we both have to agree on the name.

[http://users.livejournal.com/___heyvanity/]

Exactly.

[arrien.livejournal.com]

nope. I'd never take that special moment away from my husband. Naming a child that is equally OURS is something that should be shared and compromised on. If the name was really special and important to me I'd work really hard at explaining that, but if he plain hated it then I wouldn't want my child named that anyway.

[http://users.livejournal.com/___heyvanity/]

I *thought* I wanted to name a daughter a certain name for years, and I actually changed my mind. My husband and I are both trying to find names that we both love and "click" for us. It's difficult, but I wouldn't want to name my child a name he loved and I disliked, so it there is a compromise. I love Louis, he hates it. He loves Jocelyn and I hate it. So those names are out.

[breezy-boo.livejournal.com]

I want to use Elliott, it is my mothers maiden name. Luckily my husband is fine with it though. I would hope a partner would understand and at least use it as a middle name since it is important to me.

[harinakshi.livejournal.com]

I wanted to use the name Elijah since I was, like, 8. But when I was having a boy the father refused, and for pretty stupid reasons, honestly. And he was pretty stubborn on names in general, so we picked a different name, but I grew to hate it more and more. The relationship didn't work out so I got my way. If it was with my current husband, though? I don't know. I respect his feelings so while I LOVE the name Leila, he refuses, no matter how much I beg...he won't budge on it, it's frustrating, but the names we've chosen for our girls I couldn't see any other way.

I'd say, when the time comes, maybe before it fully comes, let your partner know how much this name means to you. Compromise goes both way, like you said, unless there's a super big reason he hates the name, there's a good chance he'd be like, this means a lot to you, and that makes it mean a lot to me, and we can name our daughter that.

[silver-soul.livejournal.com]

Aw, this cracked me up. I just hope you have a partner who likes the name or is at least passive about it. I was not so lucky.

[retrodancekitty.livejournal.com]

I couldn't do it :/

[satunian.livejournal.com]

sort of. I had my heart set on a few names for quite a while now, at least before I met my partner. Not quite as intense and long-lived as your situation, but I do feel similar. But if when I suggested the name he absolutely hated it, it would bother me too much to know that he hates the name, so I couldn't use it.

Thankfully though, even though we're not even ttc yet, I've told him of my favorites and he's liked and agreed to most of them so thankfully I'm not running into too many problems!

He's also not super picky with names and I know I totally lucked out, especially after seeing so many "my partner and I canNOT agree on a name, help!" throughout the years in this com! If he truly hates one when the time comes, I think I can comply with that.

[laminy.livejournal.com]

I think I'm a lot pickier with name that I REFUSE to use. I have a lot of those. But the list of names I love is fairly long, I'd like to think my partner and I could find some combination of names he likes and I like. But yeah, I would protest using a name I hate before I'd fight for a name I love.

[rosabelle.livejournal.com]

This.

[amyeliz.livejournal.com]

Precisely this!

[miss-tee.livejournal.com]

No, I don't have any names I will use regardless of my partner because as he is my partner we both need to agree on any name.

[iam-katie.livejournal.com]

I wanna know the name!

[velkoria.livejournal.com]

the ones that mean a lot to me? Luna Helena... Luna is after my grandmother whom I was named after. She died shortly before I was born and Helena is a name all the first born daughters in my family inherit and it has been so for the last 6 generations or more... in my family it's the women that pass on the names =P

I would not budge on Helena no matter what... it's a family tradition but the first name, while it means a lot to me, I would be more linient on. Thankfully my current boyfriend loves both and wouldn't mind but we're not close to having babies yet!!

[wiccanfire11.livejournal.com]

I always said that I would use names I liked regardless of what my SO thought, but now that I've been talking about baby names with my boyfriend, I realize I couldn't do that.

I mean, there are some names that I will absolutely not use but he's the same way with some of mine. It's a bummer, but it would be his kid too so I can't really have all the say. For example, I LOVE the name Phoenix. He hates it and says it's a horrible name.

[adamantplatypus.livejournal.com]

My mother wouldn't budge on my name - Desiree. She had told everyone since she was six yeas old she was going to have a daughter and name her Desiree, and so she did.

She over-ruled my father, who wanted to name me Kelly. He had an obsession with Kelly's Heroes. And I also already had a sister named Kelly, one was way more than enough.

I'm glad she put her foot down.


So yes - if I were THAT in love with a name that I felt very strongly about it, I'd use it. I might compromise and tell the father he could pick the middle name, but if I hit on a name I absolutely had to have, I'd use it.

[velkoria.livejournal.com]

I'm the opposite, I would comprimise on the first name but the middle is almost an heirloom that has gone to the first born daughter in my family dfor generations!

[duckduckcaboose.livejournal.com]

For years, my top names were Iris and Landon.
After lots of talks with my boyfriend, it seems our top names are Chloe and Brendan.

I thought that I was completely settled on my top names but they don't go well with my boyfriend's last name, and also he just didn't LOVE them like I did.

[theljfromheck.livejournal.com]

Yes. I had a boy's name picked out for years before getting pregnant and there was just no discussing it. The father wanted to name him Michael Loren(his dad, my dad) but I ended up naming him Harvey Michael because I wanted to. However if we had been together during the pregnancy/he was there for the birth I wouldn't have been an asshole about it(probably). We are together now and he loves the name I chose, so I guess it worked out. With our other two I also had names picked out beforehand, I worried that he wouldn't like them but he was okay with them(Luna Rebecca and Jonas James) #3's middle name is pretty much the only name we had discussed.

[jordle.livejournal.com]

I too have had my names picked out since I was 12 and I am going to damn well use them! It would be a deal breaker for me.

The only reason would be if someone in his family had already used the name but it would kill me to not use my names if I am ever lucky enough to have kids.

[babyjess8.livejournal.com]

I had my boy name picked out from when I was barely a teenager. I was very lucky when I mentioned it to my now fiance, he liked it. (He said it was weird, but ok sounding). If he had not liked it, I would have continued to let him know it was my favourite, but still include him in the final decision.H e has his heart set on a girl name that isn't my favourite, but I still think it's ok and we will most likely use it for our daughter-to-be-in-four-weeks! After all, compromise is what love is all about, and in the end it doesn't matter what the name is as long as it's not Nevaeh or Aaydyn or something ridiculous like that! haha

[coffeecup37.livejournal.com]

There is one girl's name that I am absolutely in love with (Tallulah) and it's been the front-runner for me since I was 15. Unfortunately my boyfriend does not like it at all. It makes me incredibly sad, which I feel is sort of ridiculous on the one hand because it's just a name and there are lots of other lovely girls names out there, but this name is my perfect name. It is THE name. So, I am sad that he doesn't like it, and hasn't grown to like it (yet!).

In the end, we will have to agree on names, otherwise it's just not fear. If he wanted to name a son, for example, Clarence, I would NOT be ok with that! So, we'll compromise, but if there is any way I can convince him to go with Tallulah, I will. :)