But it's MY name!!

[fleckerbug.livejournal.com]

Hehe.

So, what would you do if someone who you'd talked about baby names with a lot suddenly announced that a name you had told them was a top and definite name for you was definitely going to be their child's name? If it matters, the name had never occurred to them til you told it to them. It's not an unusual name at all, but is a bit uncommon.

Would you use what you planned to be say your second daughter's name on your first daughter, just to 'lock it in'? Or would you just not use it at all? What if it's a middle name?



My husband has two favorite names-- Mary and Alice. I really dislike Mary, but have warmed up to Alice (he told me these names 4 years ago, I've had some time). His sister and I are both trying to conceive and so we talk names. I had told her that he loved 'Mary Alice', but although I didn't like Mary I didn't want to be a total tyrant so had told him we'd use Alice.
I wouldn't be bothered so much if this wasn't the name that I explicitly told her her brother absolutely adored and was one of only two names he had ever asked me for.

I've mentioned her before, she's the one who wants to use my husband's name (well, their father's; my husband is a 3rd). I told her we hadn't fully decided if we were using it, but we'd let her know when we decided. We're definitely going to use the middle name as either a first or middle name, though. She said if we just used the middle name that she would use the full name for a son. Also, although we'd like Alice as a first name, it goes really well as a middle name with another name we like (and the name we like is a little weird, so it'd be a nice alternative if she doesn't want to use her name), so we're not sure but definitely want to use it and it's important to my husband. So, I don't want to be all weird about the names, and I know some might say she has dibs since she wants to use them as a first name, but what.. our kids will all have her kids names for middle names? That's weird. She's also said she wants to use part of our deceased daughter's name (her name was Brenna Rose-- two name first name; SIL wants to use Rose) She's also using a boy name I told her I loved to name her next cat.

I wish I'd never talked names with her. When we first started talking names she liked such different names (Barbara, May, Pastoria, Roslin) that I didn't think it'd be an issue.
Should we just battle it out with our ovaries and see if they have daughter #1 before we have daughter #3 (daughter #1 is deceased and we're pretty sure we've settled on a name for daughter #2, but we want 3-4 living children, so'll probably have at least 2 living daughters)? I am definitely glad I've kept my unusual favorite girl's name secret.

Ugh.. I don't want to be mean and have a problem with every one of her name choices, but c'mon..

I'd just feel bad if my husband has to give up the one name he loves (since he was like 10) that I actually like.

I do think the name she's chosen is very pretty-- Alice Matilde. Their boy name is Frank Roland. :/


Here's hoping my next pregnancy is girl twins so I can use both of 'our' names!



edit*
Okay.. my husband, not knowing I was posting here, just randomly suggested we name our next child Queso Crunchwrap Hand. Maybe I need to worry less about people stealing our names and more about his sanity..

Comments

[krosp.livejournal.com]

I think you should definitely use Alice anyway. Before she picked that name she knew you wanted to use it, so if she's going to steal it she'll have to put up with that.

Maybe you need to have a few names up your sleeve to pretend to like next time she tries to have a name conversation.... see if you can inadvertently name her children something other than the names you want for yours!

[krosp.livejournal.com]

Maybe we can all help you try and find names that might fit her style that you can trick her into stealing off you :p

[fleckerbug.livejournal.com]

Well, she announced these names at the 4th of July bbq yesterday and also lamented that she could find no one that likes her favorite name-- Pastoria.. I feel a little bad encouraging her to use such a horrible name, though, lol.

What I should do is say we're going to use Barbara May (which I hate, but it's both her grandmother's names) because I know she likes it.. maybe then she'll use it to get dibs.

And it figures she picked a name I like since she took my name and her MIL picked the middle name.

[th3-unicorn.livejournal.com]

Ohhh I just came across a Mary Alice yesterday and thought how very lovely her name was. Maybe you could make hubby happy and name her Mary Alice Matilde name, then just call her Alice :)

I think you should have your hubby speak to his sister about this name issue.. sounds like she's trying to snag your names, maybe unconsciously.
I'm not sure how you feel about her using Rose, but I know wouldn't like that at all.

[sidheblessed.livejournal.com]

I'd be irritated.

A few years ago a friend at the time was pregnant and while discussing baby names with her husband, she mentioned my favourite boy name at the time (including that it was my favourite and chosen boy name). He liked it and they decided to name their son that. Afterwards they were like "Oh we always wanted to name our child that!"

I was most annoyed so I definitely feel your pain.

[fleckerbug.livejournal.com]

I was very upset at the idea of her using Rose, but figure I've ranted about that in this comm enough. I posted a couple times quite awhile ago about how to let her know that we'd appreciate her not using the name. I got mixed reviews by the folks here, but the general opinion was it was not cool. If it was in honor of our daughter or something, well I still wouldn't want her to, but she seems totally oblivious to the fact that she was pilfering our daughter's name.

[http://users.livejournal.com/__recidivist/]

Just talk to her. "Sister-in-Law, I don't think you realise this, but it seems like a lot of the time when I tell you I name my partner and I like and are considering using, it makes its way to the top of your list. I like being able to talk to you about trying to conceive and everything related to it, but I hope you understand that it kind of bums me out worrying that names that my partner and I have started to agree on might be used by someone we're close to, who will be in the baby's life."

She probably doesn't realise she's doing it, or doesn't realise that it is or might be a problem for you. There are people on here, a fairly name-saavy bunch, who wouldn't have any problem at all with their sister-in-law naming her child the name name they were using. It might not occur to her that you wouldn't want two people in the family that are so close in age to have the same name and that you feel like you're "losing" the rights to names you like.

Be prepared in case she gets defensive, but knowing what you want (for her not to use a few specific names) and why (because it's hard for you and your partner to agree on names) will probably help.

I'm also not clear if you have a specific problem with her using the name of your deceased daughter, or if that was just part of the narrative, but I think that's one case where the name is absolutely "yours", and you can tell her that you're not comfortable with her using it, though you appreciate the tribute.

[ber-waves-of.livejournal.com]

I'd be mad! I had a similar situation happen in my family. I once discussed baby names with my SIL and mentioned that my fave girl names at the time were Scarlet, Violet, and Julia. She got pregnant soon after that discussion and refused to tell anyone what names she was thinking of using. I got pregnant when she was 6 months along. She had her baby first and named her Violet (and their second choice was Julia!). I was livid at the time, even after I found out that I was having a boy. Why would she steal my name, especially considering that I was pregnant at the time and could've had a girl? I am definitely not going to talk baby names with her ever again, and I even plan to go as far as telling her that certain names are "off limits" next time I get pregnant.

[duckduckcaboose.livejournal.com]

Is your SIL a total ditz or just a mean-spirited brat? Either way, I don't think you should just sit back and let her do this. Let her know exactly how you feel, and have your husband present when you do it, so she can't later say "Fleckerbug threatened me out of using my names..." or something. And for future reference, keep your favorites between you and hubby.

[tunknut.livejournal.com]

Honestly, in general the best thing to do is to suck it up. In your case, I think you have a right to ask your SIL not to use your husband's name or your daughter's name. In that case, those are arguably YOUR names and you have priority to use them or not use them for future children. It would be particularly disrespectful of her to use Rose. This specific case makes me very unsympathetic to her using "your" names... but there's really no reason for you to ask her not to use Alice. For all you know, she could have an equally compelling reason to like the name Alice, and the fact that you liked it first doesn't give you a right to ask her not to use it.

I think the only cases in which you are allowed to "reserve" a name are:
1. If you have already used the same or a very similar name on a child.
2. If it is the same or very similar to your name or your partner's name.
3. If you'd want to use it to honor a close friend or relative who is not friends with/related to the person poaching it from you (i.e., if you have a dead brother you could ask your SIL not to use his name).
4. If you are already pregnant and fairly certain of the name you want to use, you are allowed to reserve one male and one female name. If you know the baby's gender, you are allowed to reserve one name of that gender.

It sucks to have "your name" stolen, but imagine if you were in her situation. Wouldn't it suck for a name you loved to be "off limits" because of a relative who "reserved" it who might end up changing her mind, or never having a child of that gender? I think confronting her about it directly could only create drama/tension. In her case, also, I think hinting about how much you like it and would want to use it for your own daughter might make her like it more. If you are going to talk to her about it though, I'd definitely recommend asking how your husband feels about it first... He might be equally happy to have a niece named Alice than to have a daughter with the middle name Alice.

[kitchen-poet.livejournal.com]

Wow, I just have to say the name we have liked forever was Alice Mathilde or Mathilde Alice. Weird! I adore that name.

Besides that, I think what she is doing is pretty awful and mean-spirited. I guess if it were me, I would stick to my original choice and pray she changes her mind when her baby is born. But it would definitely irritate me.

[mrandmrschippy.livejournal.com]

It sounds like she maybe doesn't have much imagination or confidence to make a decision herself (?) so she's using other people for ideas and 'pre-approved' names (in the context of your family).

Just get your husband to tell her to back off. Probably better coming from direct family.

I also don't see why you don't call #2 daughter Alice now if you both love it, rather than saving up names for a future daughter you might never have - could be all boys.

[ollivander.livejournal.com]

LMAO Queso Crunchwrap.

[sxylilwitch.livejournal.com]

My BiL tried to tell my Husband he was gonna name his first born boy after their Dad. My Husband was the first born, and was named after their Dad/Grandfather/Great Grandfather/etc...so he was like "UHHHH NO, I'm the one named after Dad, I'm the one naming my boy after Dad. If we for some reason don't have a boy by the time we're done having kids, THEN you can use it." I still don't get what the hell he was thinking.