Maiden names

[drunkontea.livejournal.com]

Hope this is on topic, but to those who are married, how did you decide whether to keep your maiden name or take your husband's?

My boyfriend and I have talked about this, and while I like my last name, I'd want to take his on also, but our last names sound awful when we combine them. We were thinking of giving our first born's middle name as my last name, but that takes away the fun of playing with first name/middle name combinations.

Comments

[trivher.livejournal.com]

For awhile my husband and I thought of creating a new last name, because my maiden name is not even my real family name (it's my step-grandfather's who was horrible to my dad) and his last name was changed to make it more "modern" like two generations ago. But in the end we just went with his.

I have thought of using my maiden for a middle because it is also a male name, Vance, however I really don't like it. LOL.

You could give the child two middle names perhaps.

[nearlyalegume.livejournal.com]

SNAP.

Seriously, I am in EXACTLY the same boat - my surname is actually my step-grandfather's, and he was horrible to my dad. Seriously.

I'm getting married in one year and two days, not that I'm counting, but I'm taking hubby's name. It's nicer, for one thing, and it means more to me than the name of a man who made my father's childhood a living hell.

Our children will have my future hubby's name, particularly as his older brother's son (the first grandchild, now four and a half months old) has a hyphenated surname, and so he's really not carrying on the family name at all. I have a moral objection to hyphens. But that's just me. Plus it's less complicated, and takes less time to fill out forms.

[asthingscollide.livejournal.com]

We just decided that if we have a son, my maiden name will go as his middle name.

[anapology.livejournal.com]

Just have two middle names..your maiden name being the third name. It's really not that weird. It's very common here in England.

My parents friends are Mike Toogood and Ginny Blackmoore. Their children are Ben & Gemma Goodmoore, and combination of both. I do think that's pretty unusual and complicated though.

[rubytitania.livejournal.com]

I would agree with this. I know plenty of women who have taken their husband's surname and kept their maiden name as a middle name. Personally, I'm just going to take my husband's name because I think it'll be nice for both of us and our children to have the same surname.

[aquilinum.livejournal.com]

Couldn't he take yours — with the same result, if having one family name is the end goal?

[rubytitania.livejournal.com]

Hehe, sure he could, and if I felt strongly about it maybe I'd suggest that. I'm not bothered though so I'll jst go with tradition :)

[ex-bluebonn.livejournal.com]

For real? Because that's seriously awesome.

[anapology.livejournal.com]

Yeah, do what you want..no rules here when it comes to naming children.
Another friend's mum made up their surname, Derronaire. She didn't want her daughter to be affiliated with her parents as they practically dissowned her when she found out she was pregnant and the father left her.

[ex-bluebonn.livejournal.com]

If there were rules, we'd be seeing a lot less Keightelynns and Aydyns etc. lol.

[plaidpineapple.livejournal.com]

Hope this is on topic, but to those who are married, how did you decide whether to keep your maiden name or take your husband's?

I just wanted to. My husband was fine with any decision I made, but I wanted to have his last name, and for our children to have ours. Since I dropped my middle name for my maiden, we're giving our first son my middle name (unisex) because it's a family name.

[thejoysofjess.livejournal.com]

I took his without even thinking about it. In fact, on the phone when I called my mom to tell her we were engaged, one of the first things she said was "Now people will be able to spell your last name!"

[vixenofflames.livejournal.com]

Lucky!

I'm going from Villa to Voegele.

Try to pronounce those. It's really not that hard, but people can't seem to be able to pronounce either of them.

They're Vee-ah and voh-GUH-lee. Not vil-ah or vee-la. Not vogue-el (voh-gull?). Whatever. :P

I've tried writing Voegele in cursive. It's awfully hard. My name's so simple!

Oh, and both are also constantly misspelled. Especially Voegele. Argh!

[chibiaichan.livejournal.com]

I just took my hubby's... I didn't really think about it. My husband said he wanted to take my moms maidian name though, lol. It's Van Kirk... he said it sounded like a rock star! Hes a dork though.. so... =)

[elemmennope.livejournal.com]

I like my last name, I'm published under it, I have a doctorate degree under it. It's a good name that is easy to say and spell and well recognized but not too common. I see no reason to change it.

I'm fine with going casually by Mrs. Hislastname with friends and kid's schools etc, but there will be no official change and my name will always be my name. Kids will take his last name however my first son, should I have a son, will have my last name as a mn.

[bobinwales.livejournal.com]

I love my surname, and really don't want to change it, but I know I will!
I think we'll give it to our son as a middle name too!

[anapology.livejournal.com]

ha, that's a bit mean.
I cant imagine the father of my children will have much say in their first/middle names (he can suggest and veto ones he especially dislikes) & right now he loves a couple of my favourites..
so it's only fair they get his last name.

[anapology.livejournal.com]

Okay but that's the extreme.. if neither names are weird it's nice to have a connection to Dad..

& on the name Craig... worst name EVER. It's my boyfriends name but for some reason I hate it with a passion!

[h-hope.livejournal.com]

I'm more traditional I guess... I wanted to take hubby's last name as a symbol of our marriage and uniting... and it makes for a pretty cool nick name too... I'm now HaileyMac for a lot of things since the new last name is Mac______.
We are actually in the process now of having my daughter's last name changed as well so we feel like a complete family unit and there isn't any confusion with different last names.

[1grlrvolution.livejournal.com]

Although I'm not engaged, I do believe if I marry my boyfriend, I'll take his last name. Not that I don't like my surname, but I've always preferred Meg to Megan, and my last name now starts with a hard g, so I can't really go by Meg, but the boyfriend's last name starts with an H, so I could.

[jewelzrpretty.livejournal.com]

My parents both kept their own last names, & my brother & my last names are the same as my dad's one.

[dustkitty.livejournal.com]

I took my husband's because mine was ugly; I was more than happy to get rid of it. When everyone had their last name put across the back of their letter jackets in high school, I had the team name put on mine, because my name was horrible. So...easy decision. Obviously, then, our children will have our last name.

Two friends of mine kept their last names, and one hyphenated. The one that hyphenated and one of the other two gave their children their husbands' last names, but the third friend did something a little weird--her older son got her last name, and the second one got both, hyphenated. She gave the older one her name because she and her sisters were the last in their family with their last name, and they had no brothers to pass it on.

[aquilinum.livejournal.com]

My surname is hard to pronounce and spell, but it's — by definition — MY NAME. Why on earth would I change it?

"As a sacrifice or display of commitment! As a GIFT to your husband!" said a few people. Fair enough, if it's mutual. If he changed his to mine and we swapped, okay. But seems like a lot of paperwork just to swap when we're so comfortable in the names we have.

"THINK OF THE CHILDREN! If you two have different last names, it will create AWFUL problems, and you'll HAVE to make crazy, hyphenated names!" Yes. No two people who chose to retain separate names have ever had children before without running into catastrophic naming difficulties. There aren't hundreds of ways to solve the "problem" simply. Girls get mom's name, boys get dad's, vice versa, combining names, whichever one's easier to spell — do whatever you like. It's honestly such a nonissue I can't believe this still gets used as a reason to switch your last name for somebody else. Paging celebrity-obsessed culture: what do you think your favorite film stars do? Answer: whatever they like! SO CAN WE. Amazing!

I have nothing against the majority of women taking on their husband's surname, but I (obviously) do get tired of the loud, proud few who try to pick at my decision as if it somehow threatened their own marriage decisions.

If keeping my name caused me any problems, ever, I would swap.


But it hasn't, and so I won't.

[anapology.livejournal.com]

Totally with you on that!

I don't see it as a gift at all, just a united show.
He could take mine instead.. no issue there, I just want to be Mrs hislastname and him to be Mr mylastname.

[luxury-bus.livejournal.com]

I knew right away I would take my husband's name because, (1) my maiden name was a lot harder to understand, spell, and pronounce (it was Schwarzchild -- shworts/chilled), (2) his is more American-sounding and fits in better, and (3) it's in respect towards him.

[kristinwitha-k.livejournal.com]

I'm not married yet, but I have a hard time with this one. I love my future husband, but his parents are pretty much awful and refuse to accept me as part of their family (they're pretty nasty to him, too, it's not an issue of him standing up for me or not). I have no problem with the name itself, but it's difficult for me to give up a name I've had for almost 30 years to take on one that is shared by people who don't want me to share it with them.

I will probably end up either hyphenating or using my current last as a middle name. I just remind myself that taking his last name is becoming a family with HIM, and it doesn't matter about any of the rest of them.

[yellowsummers.livejournal.com]

I dislike my last name- it's hard for people to pronounce and spell, but most hard-to-spell-or-pronounce names have interesting sounds to them or background stories, but mine doesn't. I might consider just picking another last name, maybe one that somehow combined our last names, or just one I liked. It's weird, but whatever.

[sloane-hd.livejournal.com]

In Belgium the women keep their last name and the children just get their father's last name.
Since my mother is British I got both names on my passport.

[drunkontea.livejournal.com]

My mom kept her family name also, and my sister and I took my dad's last name. Sometimes it gets annoying having to explain it to the insurance company, when I'm on my mom's insurance, but such is life.

[waitingonsunday.livejournal.com]

I just tried to explain this in a paragraph, and it got really long-winded and unnecessarily confusing, so! An example seems a little easier. My name now is Stephanie Marie Coin. I was dating a Phillips for a long, long time, and if we'd married, I was going to take the name Stephanie Marie Coin Phillips, and I'd use Stephanie Coin Phillips on everyday stuff.

But now that I'm getting kind of serious with someone by the last name of Brewer, I don't think that's gonna fly. Stephanie Coin Brewer? No, thanks.

I'm going to take his last name. I can't really think of any specific reasoning behind it. I guess it's just the traditionalist in me. And I like your idea of using the maiden name for offspring, so the name isn't lost. Not that I can do that, I'd never saddle a kid with Coin, even as a middle name. But still, it's a nice idea.

[drunkontea.livejournal.com]

I have a friend with her mom's maiden name as her middle name, which is "Gross". If I did the whole maiden-name-as-a-middle-name, my kid's middle name would be "Gu" (pronounced "Gu). In both cases, the maiden names don't make the ideal maiden name, but, for me, I think my last name's important enough to give to my child in at least some form.

It's especially important to me, since my hypothetical child would be half-asian, and I would want some part of his/her asian-half to be tied in his/her identity through my maiden name. I'd take the father's last name, because it's easier to pronounce and less foreign. Socially-speaking, since half-asian/half-caucasian children are more likely to look asian than not (and the theory that mixed babies are identified by society more with their minority half than with their caucasian half), I think letting my kid have a more "American"-sounding last name would make his/her life easier. I got teased so much as a kid for my last name (and, obviously, because I was a minority). At the same time, I've come to love and to identify with my last name, which is why I'd still want my future child to have it.

Ugh, that was a huge response. Mainly, the second part was just explaining for the sake of explaining, and doesn't necessarily have to do with your original comment.

[drunkontea.livejournal.com]

Oops, I meant..

"In both cases, the maiden names don't make the ideal middle name..."

I hate that lj doesn't let you edit comments unless you're a paid member.

[drunkontea.livejournal.com]

oh, and I meant to write that "Gu" is pronounced "Goo".

[zante.livejournal.com]

I love my surname. It's Wild. My fiance's surname is Evans. I would love to take his name, but on the other hand.. I feel I will miss mine. I'm confused - my mum says she regretted not keeping her surname.. so I think this will be something I need to thinks seriously about.

[batting0.livejournal.com]

I'm not married/engaged, or even close to either... but I couldn't give my child my current last name as a middle name. That would be cruel. (it's Morrish. Worst middle name ever?)

And I think I'd take their last name. As long as it's not crazy-bad.